beautiful rain almost all day. alas, work today, but a few good encounters with people.

 low-key day of reading and doing some small tasks

dream segment

 there are spotted lantern flies in each of my houseplants, as i walk by each plant, the flies descend to the floor, i am horrified and plan to circle back to somehow get rid of them

having a rough day today. self-loathing and fear. the wind has lessened some, and it is again cold.

crocus are blooming

 the day has moved into heavy wind & i have the woodstove blazing and the kitchen door open & i am reading and trying to find some sort of peace of mind.

 work then Eleven Eleven date with Kay. very wonderful.

 two pheasant one hawk drive to Vanish brewery

negatives & positives

unable to focus at all this morning. but hey!! two kestral drive to work.

Spring Fever

 panther did NOT want me to leave for work today, she even followed me to the door. i felt awful closing that door behind me. -----back home now, and so glad to be with them again. Pollux and Castor over Mars in the western sky. beautiful night.

 i dreamed of Rhiannon. it was so wonderful to feel her fur again, and see her face, see that tail wag.

not your average "one-hawk" drive

saw a hawk today so gorgeous it made my jaw drop. rust red head, throat and chest plumage. medium sized. just lovely.

 had to work the early "tag" shift today, but at least with melissa!! we finished early, so got cleared to leave. done and done. went to the library to pick up my requests. got home and just enjoyed myself reading, stacking firewood and being with my cats. a couple of great beers.

 all day reading, all day woodstove and cats. made an amazing dinner. gave up on everything at 8:30 p.m. took two melatonin and went to bed. read some more until they kicked in.

 bringing firewood in during light morning snow. two hawk drive to work. kaylie!! excellent conversation with odessa right before closing. home to cats and a warm fire with a good beer.

so far a good day off

 library visits, brewery visit, pet food store visit. received a delivery of firewood. text conversations with a few friends. some reading.

at least for now

the Sun still rises and the Moon still dances. the happiness and the dread hold each other closely.

gusting winds

the Moonrise tonight was/is stunning and centering and gorgeous. today at work we were all just ready for a nap. it is good to be home with cats and woodstove. soon, to read.

 a difficult day, didn't know whether to vomit or cry, or both. the rain was most welcome. at least i worked with melissa.

 woke today to beautiful skies and abject horror. the universe is fine but the USA government is not.

Venus shining bright

wake up early to Panther yelling for treats. once disbursed, back to bed for a couple more hours. nice cozy sleeping. went to do laundry and got some candles and savory pastries (took some to kaylie) and back home to read. fantastic day off.

unsettled awakening

if i am able to make it through this work day, i am finally off tomorrow. but oh, how very much i do not want to go in today. 

filling the bird feeder just now brought me the peacefulness i have been sorely in need of all day.

Just Say No to light pollution

 the Full Moon in Leo providing a delightful illumination to the snowfall which unfortunately also includes the blaring of That Fucking Streetlight, may it one day explode.

I am trying

 read the news, cut & split some firewood, made a salad to take to work. how many hawks will i see on the drive?

UPDATE: one hawk

 one kestrel one hawk drive to work. home to cat greetings, a good beer and warm fire.

 re-reading Hiding In Plain Sight by Sarah Kendzior

 had a wonderful text-conversation with elian about her further education plans. needed the positivity and excitement, so proud.

 ice on trees bushes everything all across the yard and up the mountain, shining clear and full of magic. afternoon brings warmer temperatures, and the glittering diamonds fall.

 split some firewood before the rain forecast to come tonight. then on to work. glad to see melissa, glad to be with kaylie and maria. we make it through.

52 degrees

 felt stodgy today. did a lot of reading, but no doing of tasks. finally just made myself get dressed and go out, i went to Great Mane brewery. they had a black IPA!! two hawk one kestral drive. gorgeous sunset!!! home to more reading, and a much better mind-set.

new scent profile

 warm shower all eucalyptus sea salt tea tree oil mint brings a peacefulness. two hawk, one kestral drive to work.

one Kestral, one Red-Tail Hawk

 day off from work!! doing things (slowly)!! WAIT i just heard a Hawk fly over "skreeee", so 2 hawks. *adding something here now* hey yeah, did the recycling and then my taxes. gonna get a fire going in the woodstove now, and then make a pizza. did some reading, will do more later. feel as good as one can be in these circumstances. *addition* Moon and Venus showing off in the Western sky right now.

Waxing Crescent Moon

 rain rain rain, beautiful cleansing rain. all day. then amazingly thick patches of fog driving home from work!

we did the best we could

 two hawk drive to work. rick was on fire today, and really had me laughing. kaylie is my rock. good fire in the woodstove, good beer from Adroit theory, good cats.

New Moon

 in Aquarius. i am handling things better today, well that is to say "not in a full on panic". get some stuff done before work. first half of the work day is a weirdness parade.

today's good things

 library visit, beer lunch with Lora, warmer weather, visit to"doggie delights" to get quality cat treats, split firewood and get the woodstove going, then reading

Not Today

unable to get my shit together whatsoever. unable to handle any of this horror show. crying on the way to work, crying at work. thanks to melissa & kaylie i am able to ride it out. (p.s. i did see three hawks on the drive!)

stayed in bed until almost 11 a.m., low energy day. work was a drag. but!!! did see three of my favorite customer/friends, so there's that. ah, we did the best we could.

"The Shape I'm In"

 i did two out of four tasks today, good not great. not going to beat myself up about this in light of the world's status, going to settle and relax into warmth, cats & reading, with a beer. but ohhhh, it hit me hard to read of Garth Hudson's death. the last member of The Band still alive!!

 Tyga and Panther both wanted to go outside today, albeit for a short time. But i too felt the difference in the air, and welcomed it.

a quick glimpse of the Moon before cloud cover moved in, before going in to work.....getting to see Kay, and hugging them forever and crying on their shoulder, then going for tacos & nachos!!.....driving home after doing some errands and seeing the sun setting beneath cloud cover in the embrace of the mountain, a bright vermilion glow held close by the Blue Ridge

 Moonrise tangerine glow, waning Crescent in Libra, viewed through the trees. A deep exhale and release of tension.

dream segment

 standing with Odessa and another woman, when a man walks over closer to O. and says, "so you realize that i have been staring at you with intent to kill" (paraphrasing here). immediately i begin to move in between them as he gets closer to her. i gradually get right in his face, looking in his eyes unflinchingly, asking him does he realize that i will kill him if he does any harm to her and tell him to get away, to leave immediately. he smells of alcohol with meanness in his eyes. he turns and walks away, talking to himself as he does so.

Morning has broken

 A feeling of uselessness, of futility. Not grounded, not centered, not capable.

 Feeling anxious, unsettled, unable to get anything accomplished.

Imagine treating your child like a person.

 Two hawks, three feet apart on a power line, hunting. Bongo in my face for attention, licks my nose every time i look at him. Flurries when we walk out of Wegman's. A good IPA from Other Half Brewing. Excellent conversation. Laughter and just being together.

Moonset/Sunrise

Toggling between joy at the beauty of everything and the abject horror of human hubris.

Good coffee

Awoke from numerous dreams to a gorgeous sunrise. Feeling slightly out of sorts mentally, but i pull it together for the most part as the morning progresses. 

Moonday

 Driving to Ocelot Brewery today, I had two wonderful things happen. First, saw 5 pheasants flush across the road before, and after me. Beautiful! Then, on Braddock Road, i saw a bald eagle. Wait, make that three things, because when i got to the brewery, Noel was working, and i got to tell her all the things! Felt so much happiness, did some good writing. Came home and split some more firewood. Astounding Moonrise. Venus and Saturn in the West. Gorgeous evening.

morning coffee

The rising Sun casts woodsmoke shadows on the maple tree, a woodpecker taps for food, a squirrel runs around the trunk. 

dream segment

 I am walking across the parking lot to go into the store because i need to do a return of the Honeycomb cereal bag i carry in my hand. I steer wide past the event that is occurring in the parking lot because it is work related. My co-workers are involved in a water-dunking type thing where they try to drop Rick into the water, some of them call out to me, but i keep walking to go inside. I am on vacation, and do not want to be seen, so wonder why i have come here! Once there at the customer service desk, i am next in line. Two Lewis brothers are working the desk. They are not trained do so. The person in front of me is also trying to get a refund. The brothers see me in line and call out to me to come help them. Heavy sigh, but i do so. As i begin to show them what to do, i quickly realize that the entire system has been changed while i was on vacation. The customer we are trying to help is a pharmacy employee, and she begins to try to tell us what to do. It is not helpful. The screen slides all around, not letting us hit on the areas we need. It is so frustrating!! Finally we achieve some sort of goal, and we give her a refund. I go get back in line. Dreading whatever comes next with my refund! As i am standing there waiting, Kyle comes over and leans into me to see how i am doing.

"How was your vacation?"

 I have gone completely feral this week.

 An absolute laze-fest of a day. Even wanted to go get in bed before before 5 p.m., but made a mug of green tea with mint instead. Had another fine phone conversation with Aaron around 1 p.m. Tyga & Panther are a little upset that i did not go out and get some can treat today. Greylin has seemed satisfied with his kibble. Hahahaa. I did dishes (yay), but did not feel like cooking, so sandwich it was. Reading and relaxing, slight brain sluggishness. Ah well.

deep thoughts about today

Began the day with another deep vermilion sunrise, after some very detailed dreaming. While i felt some "back-to-work soon" anxiety, i also settled into a more comfortable vibe as i decided to NOT go out for a couple of errands. Not yet. Just one more day of snowy isolation, thank you. But then again, not totally! because i had scheduled a phone call with Aaron for the afternoon! And let me just say that it was fabulous. Three hours later, feeling refreshed after such a deep connection, i went outside and split some more firewood. Brought it in, and am now reaping the warm benefits.

Contentment

 From the vermilion Sunrise to the candles lit on the mantel, today has been a day of the small pleasures of life. Toasted bagel with peach preserves, putting out peanuts for the Crows, multiple cat snacks!! Doing dishes, splitting some firewood. Spaghetti for dinner! Lots of reading. A good day.

More Snow & Life

 Drinking coffee by the woodstove it comes to me that i am glad i had not yet Winter-ized the garden, because so many birds have been eating seeds from the plant stalks. Then this thinking of seeds naturally becomes thinking of this Spring's garden and here i am, visualizing growing vegetables while there is over a foot of snow on the ground. An absolute delight.

Snow and Life

Upon awakening, the first thing i smelled was my own death. A very sobering realization. Pun intended. Fortunately a foot of snow had fallen while i slept, so this was an inspiring moment, and not at all dispiriting. Busy activity at the bird feeder, and crows calling for more peanuts.

Peacefulness

 Waiting on the snow, I can smell it in the air. Building the fire back up in the woodstove, glad to be home from work. Many candles, many scents. Purring cats.

Thryothorus ludovicianus

 Carolina Wrens like the woodpile. They also use the cat-door to come onto the screen porch. A pair has been out there all morning, pecking around, going back out, coming back in. Love these little cuties so much.

 Carrying logs to the splitter. Standing more on the patio in the sun. Moving slowly, with a focus on body, foot placement, posture. Breathing and feeling the clean cold air. Then working the splitter after a little maintenance. Fill up the wheelbarrow and stack some on the hearth. Simple and satisfying work.

The Raptors of Friday

 Driving to the hardware store on a layered cloud day, I see six Hawks and two Kestrals. Not to be left out of this count are the numerous Vultures and Crows! A satisfying errand run all around.

Algebraic Expression

 If only my brain remembered Algebra instead of all the stupid and cruel things that men have said to me over the decades.