Craft Brew 2012

• Tavern Porter – Yards Brewing Co., Philadelphia PA
• Coconut Porter – Maui Brewing Co., Lahaina, Maui, Hawaii
• Dig – New Belgium Brewing, Fort Collins CO
• Black Cannon – Heavy Seas...
• Somersault – New Belgium...
• Summer Love – Victory Brewing Company, Downington PA
• Titan IPA – Great Divide Brewing Company, Denver CO
• Eight Point IPA - Devil's Backbone Brewing Company, Lexington VA
• Imperial Red Ale – Lagunitas Brewing Company, Petaluma CA
• 1554 – New Belgium...
• Amber – Full Sail Brewing, Hood River OR
• Pale Ale – Full Sail...
• Ruby Redbird – Spoetzl Brewery, Shiner TX
• Bock Beer – D.G. Yuengling & Son Inc., Pottsville PA
• Azrael – Devil's Backbone...
• Shaddock IPA – Widmer Brothers Brewing, Portland OR
• Raspberry Wheat – Shock Top Brewing, St. Louis MO
• End Of The World Midnight Wheat – Shock Top...
• Pumpkin Wheat – Shock Top...
• “Boxcar” Pumpkin Porter – Starr Hill Brewery, Crozet VA
• Breakfast Stout – Founder's Brewing Company, Grand Rapids MI
• Centennial IPA – Founder's...
• “Grateful Harvest” Cranberry Ale – Harpoon Brewery, Boston MA
• Heart Of Darkness Stout – Magic Hat Brewing Company, South Burlington VT
• “Old Rasputin” Double Imperial Stout – North Coast Brewing Company, Fort Bragg CA
• “Small Batch 471” IPA – Breckenridge Brewery, Denver CO
• “Tasman Red” IPA – Sam Adams...
• “Dark Depths” Baltic IPA – Sam Adams...
• “Third Voyage” Double IPA – Sam Adams...
• “Grumpy Monk” Belgian IPA – Sam Adams...
• Whitewater IPA – Sam Adams...
• Imperial Series Double Bock – Sam Adams...
• Schlafly Tripel Ale – The Saint Louis Brewery, St. Louis MO
• Double IPA - The Long Trail Brewing Co., Bridgewater Corners VT
• Striped Bass Pale Ale – Devil's Backbone...
• Baltic Porter – Smuttynose Brewing Company, Portsmouth NH
• Merry Mischief – Sam Adams...
• Vertical Epic 12.12.12 – Stone Brewing Co., Escondido CA
• Resin - Sixpoint Brewery, Brooklyn NY
• Brown Shugga' – Lagunitas...
• Belgo – New Belgium...
• Red Hoptober- New Belgium...
• Oaked Big Hoppy Monster – Terrapin...
• Winter Storm – Heavy Seas..
• Winter Ale – Smuttynose...
• 2012 Christmas Ale – Goose Island Beer Co., Chicago IL
• Tidings – Port City...
• Generous Ale – Guinness...
• Kujo: Imperial Coffee Stout - Flying Dog...
• Optimal Wit - Port City...

notes

must remember to write poems and
feed the hedgehog
and
yoga will put me back
on the path
to true centeredness

dream piece

i am on a slow motorized vehicle (much like a store mart-cart) and going down a road/trail...i drive into a tunnel when i hear a loud pick-up truck coming up behind me on the road...i am concerned, as it is the redneck guys i passed by earlier...as i begin to decide on how to fight or flee, they crash right into the entrance to the cave...great! this buys me some time to get away...back onto the vehicle, and off i go down the tunnel, slowly...i realize that Chuck (ex) is with the redneck guys, they appear to be drunk...later, i am home, and looking around at the mess; empty beer cans and other debris...it is the next morning, and Chuck has not left for work, he is still in bed; quite odd...

M. Dove & the Grey Dress

perfect warm December night
makes me think of
perfect warm January
nights makes me think of
the poem about that
the poem
makes me think of
Mark Dove
on such
a January night
walking up the mountain together
teasing & romancing

shattered windshield

excellent conversation and fine
craft beer
the getting to know you &
the kisses
all ending with a crash/
into the light post
if you could not see
that, then i know
the sex would not have been
any good-
on my bruised knee
i walked away

vultures
perched on
hay bales,
one soaring
circles-
a
tableau /beneath the
classic coloration
of the
heavily clouded sky

poem

there is dust in my coffee and is it too much to ask
for affection
for playful attention
 random communication
i ask now
before the dust settles into my
heart

dream segment featuring _+_

derek has come to visit, bringing a new animal companion which was given to kaela by a friend of hers...the small animal is in a cage, looks like a cross between a hamster and a ferret...i take it out of the cage to play, and it escapes! it runs across the room into a corner, through a bunch of dust bunnies, then under the dresser...i try to catch it, but it's quick...i am thinking that it will be impossible to find! i try not to stress about it, even though i must leave for work...later, when i am back home, i am in the room looking for the animal and find that my cats have caught it, and are eating it...there are also a large quantity of kittens that i did not know i had there...over a dozen! i see a quick movement in my peripheral vision, and reach to catch the animal, thinking/hoping that just maybe it might be the one, but when i look, it is one of my cats that i have caught (tyga), and i realize that the worst has indeed happened to the new pet...

Beer & a Book

This book was given to me by a Garden Center customer that I had only just met. After she and her Mom had come through my line, she came back about an hour later and brought this to me, saying that I reminded her of one of the characters. She said the book was well-traveled, and hoped that I enjoyed it. It came from Pikes Peak Library (stamped out of circulation) in Colorado Springs, CO...will register on Bookcrossing.com

This is "Azrael". A Belgian inspired Golden Ale from Devil's Backbone Brewing Company in Lexington, VA

Beer and a Book

Spam Poetry

Kerouac blank Sandi lavatories

assassins banana wigs unidirectionally Sandi mundanely tuber hoisting juxtaposing cartoon currencies
displacements superlative decolletage Monoceros Southern Macintosh Persian sublanguages
Anabaptists tangenital

reeling

that burning sound
you hear
is the smell
of my
mind
readjusting
refocusing
refining

dream segments...

i am looking through the refridgerator for something to eat...there is a lot of food there that i have recently gotten for free, and i wonder how come no one has eaten any of it...so much is in there going to spoil...as i move packages around, some break open, and i become more & more frustrated as i try to clean the spills up and put together food for me...my father is there, and notes my growing concern, he tells me to go ahead and voice my frustration, so i do...as i am telling him all of it (because it is not only about the food/fridge issue) he just says something lame and unfeeling and walks away...i think about how angry i am that i let myself be fooled into opening up to him on that emotional level...

i am in my room watching a football game on TV, and doing something else...one of the players makes an amazing play, and i exclaim out loud about it...my father walks out of his bedroom into the hallway...i ask him if he saw that play...he says "yeah" and walks back into his room...

a young male friend comes over, and we are talking about all types of things as i am getting ready for work...a good time...he says he has something very important to talk with me about, regarding my hectic work schedule, and our relationship...i want to talk now, but must leave for work, i tell him to come back after i get off at midnight, but he is not sure that he can...we hold hands walking down the driveway...

i am just relaxing, hanging out and notice that it is 6 o'clock! i was supposed to be at work at 5p.m. i go into panic mode, grab my phone from where it had been on the counter, but it is not my phone! it belongs to one of the guys who was over earlier! i try to use it to call the store and let them know that i am late, but i cannot figure out how to work it, i get into the photos instead...keep trying, then think just maybe i won't go...what to do?

red diesel Ford

i want to see you drive by
i want to see your face, peeking from
          behind the majestic palms
i want to see
just how much it hurts
stab me slowly
beneath the heart
the jagged knife
i will listen to Nirvana
as i bleed

No Avail

all of my silent pleading
all of the yearning of my
heavy heart

random thoughts & recent notes

• when i am depressed i don't feel real
• fear causes inaction
• when "you're a good person" actually means "goodbye" 
• i am NOT going to stare longingly out of this gate today, no way
• thinking about how i am not thinking about him is making me think about him
• i don't want to go back to feeling like "what's the use? i am close to death anyway"...
• something i am smelling here today reminds me of the beach, and it is filling me with longing 
• in the back of my mind, in my heart, i still maintain hope for us. and this is wrong, so wrong... 
• all of the time & energy i spent this past Spring & early Summer trying to connect, trying to get laid was a massive wasted effort with no results...i could have spent that time gardening...Epic Fail!!!
• i don't miss Chuck at all, and we were together for 8 years...i miss Gordon like crazy, and we only "had" one month...
• everything is changing inside my head

no intimate love

when you tell me that nobody cares, nobody loves you
and i say yes! yes they do! there's this and that, all these people ask me about you
and you say "they don't matter"
that's when i need to be silent
because
you're right
i know exactly what you mean...
i have written about this before...
deep down inside,
it is true

chimes of course

hawk feathered cloud
disseminates over waning
moon/light caught and scattered
broken glass
spinning/screech owl calls
and deep wood
responds

breakthrough

you were not
the first thing that i thought of
upon awakening
this morning
and later
      in the day
i moved past
negativity
with the realization that no matter what
you did,
some hearts were going to be
crushed

awareness

early morning, driving
rollings hills/farmland
sun shining golden
on the green soybean fields

movement
slow road with
acoustic guitar
my life is
a
movie/right now
the soundtrack by
the Avett Brothers

travel, music & art

you don't know how i wanted to shine for you. how your encouragement brought out the very best in me. how huge the potential for us was, how much we could have accomplished together. i ache every time i think about that being gone now. i must, and will, do it on my own, but i really did want to share it with you.

random notes from this past week

• I just want to listen to Jane's Addiction.
• Calling friends to keep myself from texting you.
• I am going to make this shizz happen, all on my own.
• All sorts of friend and acquaintance love, but no intimate love.
• You did not answer direct questions, even though you loved to ask them!
• I must remember not to hate myself as I try to figure this shit out.
• I need to stop carrying my phone around with me as if you were about to send me a text message. As if our wonderful and terribly missed communication was about to resume.
• Just a simple "I'm sorry." would be very welcome.

H2O

misted droplets camouflage
hot tears
memory brought by sound
shaking,
the loss of you felt
along every nerve

Lessons Not Learned Yet

"Congress is not preparing to defend the people of the United States. It is planning to protect the capital of American speculators and investors.... Incidentally this preparation will benefit the manufacturers of munitions and war machines.... Strike against war, for without you no battles can be fought! Strike against manufacturing shrapnel and gas bombs and all other tools of murder! Strike against preparedness that means death and misery to millions of human beings! Be not dumb, obedient slaves in an army of destruction! Be heroes in an army of construction!"

-Helen Keller at Carnegie Hall January 5, 1916

lunch @scorched earth

silver shine of strong sun on the blue sky leaf dance breeze

Today is my strong day (head held high), but all it took was the distinctive rattle of two diesel Ford trucks pulling trailers, coming into the parking lot by the garden center front gates to send me spinning right back into sorrow. I started shaking, and the tears came hot and gut-wrenching.

I will also be very glad when the sound of a received text message does not cause my heart & stomach to jump with excitement. But oh, how I miss that communication. Ironic, considering how it ended with complete non-communication.

another train poem

plaintive whistle blares
and my heart fills with
longing-
curious to find where the steel rumble
goes/where it has been
the adventure of the distance
and the
getting there

dream sequence

Amanda L., another woman and i are arm-in-arm walking & dancing out of the store (grocery?) we were in and onto the sidewalk, singing all the while...the wide concrete sidewalk has been recently hosed down so it is beautifully clean, shiny and wet...

"That sounds like a Tom Petty Song"

misty rain and a
heart full of love

travel

no longer do my past mistakes haunt me
in insomniac episodes
no longer do i spend sleepless hours
calming my racing heart from the stress
and yet i still have not
broken through the wall
i cannot help but feel, however
that i am only two
steps away

Beer & A Book

dream piece

we are visiting someone, and i have Calypso with us...her cage is in a spot that has a leaking water issue, so i am picking up her cage and getting her out of it & making sure that she is o.k. and cleaning the cage...i am playing with her & washing her little feet...

dream piece

i am at work at Lowe's when i hear that Debi has put in her resignation for retirement, and her job position is open...i turn and scurry inside the store to get to a computer and apply for that open Garden Center position...

3:40 a.m.

drifting clouds long horizontal layers move across and reveal
the shiny crescent moon
the silver luminosity
a brief glimpse
above the orange tint of the horizon
even this early
even at this hour

Car Sex Bruises

the look in your eyes
when you found
my belly-button ring
that night
in the hotel parking lot

trains

plaintive whistle sounds (and my)
heart fills with longing-
curious
to find where the steel rumble goes and
where
it has been
the adventure of the travel,
the distance and the
land

Week In Photos: 7

(untitled poem)

the singer's voice in the
 coffee shop
changes
the molecular structure of
my
presence

then my being becomes
a
floating awareness
in this
light-filled
space

Week in Photos: 6

Week In Photographs: 5

the dreaming recall...

I have been working so much and sleeping so little that I have not been able to remember any of my recent dreams. Last night, however I did sleep, and recall this segment:

i am standing in line to at job #1 when i realize that i have to go to job #2 later on that night, and as i realize this, i break out in sobbing tears, crouching down into a kneeling position i am crying so hard...a couple of people come over to comfort me and see if i am all right...

naked, vulnerable
there is a corner of myself
that is frozen-
would this early morning sun
warm me enough
to melt the pain
caught
therein?

Week In Photographs: 4

Week in Photographs: 3

audio perception

frizzy nimbus representative
of the expansive outreach
that is mind
i often imagine i hear my name
being called
so did not respond
when it actually
was

Week In Photographs: 2

Buddy's head shadow














snowy roots














morning


from the greenhouse














Jade blooming, from the greenhouse

(untitled)

i would paint the canvas
of what i see
when i close my eyes
i would film the movie
of my thoughts when i look at
your face

The Week In Photographs