Friday, August 31, 2012

Beer & a Book

This book was given to me by a Garden Center customer that I had only just met. After she and her Mom had come through my line, she came back about an hour later and brought this to me, saying that I reminded her of one of the characters. She said the book was well-traveled, and hoped that I enjoyed it. It came from Pikes Peak Library (stamped out of circulation) in Colorado Springs, CO...will register on

This is "Azrael". A Belgian inspired Golden Ale from Devil's Backbone Brewing Company in Lexington, VA

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Monday, August 27, 2012

Spam Poetry

Kerouac blank Sandi lavatories

assassins banana wigs unidirectionally Sandi mundanely tuber hoisting juxtaposing cartoon currencies
displacements superlative decolletage Monoceros Southern Macintosh Persian sublanguages
Anabaptists tangenital

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


that burning sound
you hear
is the smell
of my

Sunday, August 19, 2012

dream segments...

i am looking through the refridgerator for something to eat...there is a lot of food there that i have recently gotten for free, and i wonder how come no one has eaten any of much is in there going to i move packages around, some break open, and i become more & more frustrated as i try to clean the spills up and put together food for father is there, and notes my growing concern, he tells me to go ahead and voice my frustration, so i i am telling him all of it (because it is not only about the food/fridge issue) he just says something lame and unfeeling and walks away...i think about how angry i am that i let myself be fooled into opening up to him on that emotional level...

i am in my room watching a football game on TV, and doing something of the players makes an amazing play, and i exclaim out loud about father walks out of his bedroom into the hallway...i ask him if he saw that play...he says "yeah" and walks back into his room...

a young male friend comes over, and we are talking about all types of things as i am getting ready for work...a good time...he says he has something very important to talk with me about, regarding my hectic work schedule, and our relationship...i want to talk now, but must leave for work, i tell him to come back after i get off at midnight, but he is not sure that he can...we hold hands walking down the driveway...

i am just relaxing, hanging out and notice that it is 6 o'clock! i was supposed to be at work at 5p.m. i go into panic mode, grab my phone from where it had been on the counter, but it is not my phone! it belongs to one of the guys who was over earlier! i try to use it to call the store and let them know that i am late, but i cannot figure out how to work it, i get into the photos instead...keep trying, then think just maybe i won't go...what to do?

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

red diesel Ford

i want to see you drive by
i want to see your face, peeking from
          behind the majestic palms
i want to see
just how much it hurts
stab me slowly
beneath the heart
the jagged knife
i will listen to Nirvana
as i bleed

Monday, August 06, 2012

No Avail

all of my silent pleading
all of the yearning of my
heavy heart

Sunday, August 05, 2012

random thoughts & recent notes

  • when i am depressed i don't feel real
  • fear causes inaction
  • when "you're a good person" actually means "goodbye" 
  • i am NOT going to stare longingly out of this gate today, no way
  • thinking about how i am not thinking about him is making me think about him
  • i don't want to go back to feeling like "what's the use? i am close to death anyway"...
  • something i am smelling here today reminds me of the beach, and it is filling me with longing 
  • in the back of my mind, in my heart, i still maintain hope for us. and this is wrong, so wrong... 
  • all of the time & energy i spent this past Spring & early Summer trying to connect, trying to get laid was a massive wasted effort with no results...i could have spent that time gardening...Epic Fail!!!
  • i don't miss Chuck at all, and we were together for 8 years...i miss Gordon like crazy, and we only "had" one month...
  • everything is changing inside my head

no intimate love

when you tell me that nobody cares, nobody loves you
and i say yes! yes they do! there's this and that, all these people ask me about you
and you say "they don't matter"
that's when i need to be silent
you're right
i know exactly what you mean...
i have written about this before...
deep down inside,
it is true

chimes of course

hawk feathered cloud
disseminates over waning
moon/light caught and scattered
broken glass
spinning/screech owl calls
and deep wood

Wednesday, August 01, 2012


you were not
the first thing that i thought of
upon awakening
this morning
and later
      in the day
i moved past
with the realization that no matter what
you did,
some hearts were going to be