Brown Cotton 9/29/2010

abandoned
on the road-
Unconditional Glove

Seeking balance & contentment...

The worst thing is when you let a man get inside your head. They take up way too much emotional space. They fill your head with their thinking patterns, and you begin to self-check yourself based on their criteria. It is toxic. For instance my new job position entails working four late shifts. This only seems to be a problem for me to adjust to because of the man who lives with me. This guilt and stress I feel when I sleep until 11 a.m.? Based on his patterns and perceptions. I have realized this, and will work to remove this negative mindset. Because I am OVER being depressed, and I want to be happy again.

Memories...

Back in the late 1960's, early 70's, whenever we drove through Georgetown, D.C. my father would make us lock the doors of the car. So the hippies wouldn't get us. Yes, my father voted for Richard Nixon.

Near Death By Friend

Driving to work in the afternoon i am almost hit head-on by a huge pickup which was all over in my lane. The truck swerved quickly to avoid impact. Felt the wind on that one. Cussing a blue streak, heart pounding. Make it to work alive, yay! Later on that evening Daisy's sister comes in the store and i holler out a hello to her. She asks me didn't she see me earlier on the road, just missed hitting me? I am stunned! It was somebody i know! I tell her does she have any idea how much i was cussing her? Told her to stay on her side of the road, jeez! What the hell? So she asks if her sis is still there and just roams on off. Whoah.

Tuliptree Silkmoth sighting...

I found a Tuliptree Silkmoth today. It was napping on some moss underneath a mountain laurel. Beautiful. When I brought Chuck over to show him, it flew up up and away. I did not take a photo, I am sorry to say. So here's a link to some info and photos about this beautiful North American moth. Here is a good photo, as well.

tiny VW dream piece...

i dreamed of Volkswagens, lots and lots of VWs everywhere, because it was "Bug-Out" weekend...

And of course, "Bug-Out" weekend is coming up soon, check it out here...

'Rhiannon is a Dog Hero' dream...

there is a serious storm approaching, and we are all feeling a bit apprehensive...Rhiannon escapes out the door, and does not come back when i call her, i am very worried...when she later returns, she has rounded up and brought home a number of black labs in various sizes...when i open the screen door for her, she rounds them up and herds them into the house, then she jets out the door again...when she returns, she has brought a few yellow labs & golden retrievers, and does the same herding inside procedure, then she is off again...she brings back two chocolate labs, one of them quite old...we tend to the oldster and bring them all inside...i am quite proud of Rhiannon, she is a dog hero...she wanted all the dogs to be in a safe place for the impending storm...

The Beauty of Life

At 1:35 a.m. this morning, I heard a whippoorwill! It has been decades since I heard one. My spirit soars in joy.

Uno Haiku

whistling to The Fray, a
white guy in blue tie
branches bend in the Spring wind

Brewpub Dream...

i am interviewing for a job at a very cool-looking brewpub...part of the test i am taking involves sniffing sneakers and identifying which beer had been poured and served in each one! crazy! i am not doing so good, but it doesn't seem to matter, even though the guy testing me has a very serious, severe demeanor...at a later point he tells me that i am not to talk with the other female employees, some thing about avoiding sexual harassment, and i am thinking WTF? i also have a feeling that the other women just kind of blow this crap off, because they have all been friendly with me, and talkative!...there is a delightful variety of beer, both in bottle and on tap...learning the beers, i get to taste samples & apparently you are allowed one beer a day when at work...the t-shirts are also very cool, each featuring a different beer...i am being taught the proper glass-cleaning procedure and serving techniques...hanging around with some of my co-workers after my shift; a dark-haired woman show buys me a beer, wearing glasses and full of smiles & kindness, a buzz-cut guy who is warm and silly and asks for a smooch on the forehead...lots of hugs given here...coming back the next day for my shift, one of the guys & i race to grab an oatmeal stout "for breakfast"! what fun!

Children are people too. Really.

At work last Sunday evening, two of my co-workers and I were having a conversation that touched on children "hating" their parents. M. said that her 17-year old son hates her. T. said that if our kids don't hate us at 17 that we are not doing our job. He said that our job is not to be friends with our kids, but to teach them.
I have heard and read this stance before. I disagree. Why have children if you cannot be friends with them? Why does "teaching" them preclude being their friend? Does being a child's friend mean that you cannot teach them anything? Does being a child's friend as a parent mean that you do not discipline them? It brings to mind the time that a previous co-worker of mine saw me in my car with my infant daughter, she saw me talk to my daughter. She expressed amazement that I would be talking to my daughter, "as if she were a person". Yes, that's a quote. I told her that actually, my daughter IS a person, and yes I speak to her as such. Well, I do have a role model in all this. My mother loved me, was a fantastic parent to me, and was my friend. She taught me much in life. I can only hope that I am anywhere near as good a parent to my daughter as my mother was to me.

American Takfiris

American Takfiris - Politics - The Atlantic

This is a beautiful, intelligently written piece by Adam Serwer. Read and comment.

Waning Gibbous Moon

no amount of caffeine could stop the
somniferous muffin
from sending me to dreams
of convergent orgasms

dream segment...

i am at work, walking around the store straightening & collecting de-shops in a cart...there are a lot of hidden crannies and nooks in the store layout...at the magazine rack i find two empty 1 liter bottles of wine that someone has roughly opened and consumed, i am thinking how did we not catch them doing that? i put the bottles into the cart and continue...making my way around the store i encounter Mr. North working, and we exchange little jokes and encouragement to each other as we pass...i find a hidden corner which has a door that leads outside to a small courtyard, triangle-shaped with a fenced-in area...it is raining...i see a gray squirrel scampering about & when he/she sees me, he looks at me and moves a little closer...i must find some food for this little guy!, so i go back in the store and put together two peanut butter and bird seed globs for the squirrel, as i am doing this, Mr. North comes around through the area and we chat a wee bit about what i am doing...as i go back outside to put the cakes out for the squirrel, he comes right on over, albeit a bit cautiously, and sniffs at the cakes as i put them down, then begins to nibble...

what there is

At the (my) center there
is no spark - there is
A sorrow that is not
sweet melancholy -
that is
a vacant hollow, an oppressive
inertia

Hearth With Mirror

Firewood self-portrait. "The Kind Dyes" VW symbol t-shirt. December 2005.

Cookie Monster House

Here is a favorite place of mine. You know who you are. I love you.

A Book & Many Beers

When I finished reading 'Life and Fate' by Vasily Grossman, I was saddened beyond belief that it was over. I could have read about all those characters for at least another 880 pages. What a fabulous book. Since it was such a big read, a lot of new craft brews were consumed during the reading process. Among them: Chatoe Rogue's "Dirtoir Black Lager. Bell's "Hopslam Ale". Sierra Nevada's "Glissade".

Howard Zinn, Peoples's Historian

The amazing, much loved & respected historian and author Howard Zinn died of a heart attack yesterday. I will miss this speaker of truth. His 'A People's History of the United States' will always be a must-read.

Tornado dream...

i am at the home of a friend...a storm is on the way, we look out the window, i see five tornadoes coming our way...i call out to her about this, she and i run to the basement...i am looking for someplace for us to crouch down under for safety, but she sits on one of the two couches with a pillow, i sit on the other couch which faces her, i also have a pillow...we talk a little bit, but mostly we listen...after a while we no longer hear the loud rush of the storm, so i walk upstairs and notice sunlight peeking out from the clouds...there are other people in the upstairs rooms looking around also...i tell my friend that all is clear, the storm has passed us by...looking out, i can see where the tornadoes touched down around us...there is some debris scattered about...the sky has moving clouds of dark gray and white, patches of blue show through, the storm can be seen far in the distance, moving on...