Wednesday, August 26, 2015

musing about all the things plus dream piece/theme

Having a voice. Being able to converse with people, perhaps even hold my own in a debate situation.Being able to use my vocabulary. Being able to write about something, anything, everything. Trusting my voice. Wanting to be heard. (Not needing -plus, i have always been a good listener) All of this is something i have not had a full grasp on for quite a while now, and is something that i truly need to regain. I attribute a lot of this to my past relationship with Chuck. I can never forget the time he told me that he could not listen to me for more than 5 minutes, and how he would always tell me that my outlook was "wrong" when we were discussing something. So, i stopped talking. Then even at the bus stop trying to talk with Jess about things only to have her frown at me as i struggled to find the words with which to express myself. I realize that the "frown" is some people's "listening face", but it can be intimidating for me.Tina @Lowe's had that face as well. And, there is an entire other level of this self-confidence problem: how devastated i was after the lay-off from Shoppe's. How humiliating it was to work at Lowe's. ("Is this your first job?" - patronizingly said by a co-worker) How can i overcome this? Maybe try writing on Goodreads about the books i finish. An actual review! I will need to get past the "who cares what i think" mindset. Maybe I could care how i think!!!

I am concerned about my Rhiannon. She has seemed a lot "older" this past week. She has not woken up from her spot on the porch since i got home from work tonight. So, no "Frosty Paws" yet! I will let her sleep. I love my girl so much.

She woke up a few hours later and found the treat i had left in her bowl. I heard her as i was falling off to sleep. She came in and checked on me, then went back out to the porch. Love my girl.

I had a very complex wild character-laden dream which i could not recall fully enough to write down. It would make a great sci-fi/cyber punk/urban fantasy type book, i am sure! As i was falling back asleep (after having gotten up to tinkle) i was hoping to return to the Dream so that i could hang out some more with my Sweet One some more.

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