poem

spark of an idea
ignites
sets my hair on fire

words (those survivors)
jump out the mind/windows
onto the trampoline/page
as
poetry

poem

there is the driving/when
you are going
to work/you cannot
stop and take the photograph
seen so clearly
there-
by the side of the
road

the sunshine reflected
snow melt pool
cedar tree
the clouds
sky of blue all
therein

dream piece

i am trying to split wood with the maul, but the wood keeps folding in an accordion fold, and i am getting nowhere

dream

a doctor tells me that i have a liver tumor...i palpate my liver and feel a golf ball sized tumor and exclaim, "oh yes i do" as she watches me...

dream of Mom

i am driving up Rt 15, heading home...looking forward to seeing Mom and watching some football with her...joking to myself that she better have some beer for us!!!

2015 CRAFT BEER

• “Anti Venom: Centennial” IPA – Du Claw Brewing Co., Baltimore MD
• “Molotov Cocktail” Simcoe single hop imperial IPA - Evil Twin Brewing, Stratford CT
• “Birthday Beer” chocolate stout – Spoetzl Brewery, Shiner TX
• “Holly Jolly” christmas ale – Fat Head's Brewery, Middleburg Heights OH
• “X8 Spiced Winter Warmer” ale – DuClaw...
• “Lucky Basartd” ale – Stone Brewing Co., Escondido CA
• “Twenty One” imperial India brown ale – Avery Brewing Co., Boulder Co
• Mosaic single hop imperial India pale American wheat lager – Evil Twin Brewing, Mount Pleasant SC
• “Hop Ranch” imperial IPA – Victory Brewing Co., Downington PA
• “ '72 Imperial” chocolate cream stout – Breckenridge Brewery, Denver CO
• “Raspberry Stout” - Hardywood Park Craft Brewery, Richmond VA
• “Woody Stout” bourbon barrel aged – Lost Rhino Brewing Co., Ashburn VA
• “2015 Beer Camp” hoppy lager – Sierra Nevada Brewing Co., Chico CA
• “Raison D'Extra” raisin ale – Dogfish Head Craft Brewery, Milton DE
• “BLVK CELEBRATION” imperial porter -Adroit Theory, Purcellville VA
• “The Oracle” double IPA – Bell's Brewery, Comstock MI
• smoked porter with chipotle peppers – Stone Brewing...
• “Liquid Bliss” chocolate peanut butter porter – Terrapin Beer Co., Athens GA
• “Rye” whole hopped IPA – Yard's Brewing Co., Philadelphia PA
• “Hop Back” amber ale – Troegs Brewing Co., Hershey PA
• “Lil' B” imperial porter – Evil Twin...
• “For Lover's Only” imperial Stout – Parkway Brewing Co., Salem VA
• “The Cowboy” smoked Pilsner – Evil Twin...
• “Grapefruit Sculpin” IPA – Ballast Point Brewing Co., San Diego CA
• “Fore” smoked stout – Dark Horse Brewing Co., Marshall MI
• “Tres” blueberry stout – Dark Horse...
• Mexican hot chocolate stout – Flying Dog Brewery, Frederick MD
• “Ten Fidy” imperial stout – Oskar Blues Brewery, Longmont CO
• “Enlightenmint” chocolate peppermint stout – Twisted Manzanita Ales, Santee CA
• “The Brown Note” brown ale – Against The Grain Brewery, Westminster MD
• Mango-Habanero Brown Ale – Lickinghole Creek Craft Brewery, Goochland VA
• “Hop Hunter IPA” - Sierra Nevada...
• “Lucky SOB” Irish style red – Flying Dog...
• “HBC-431” single hop Imperial IPA – Flying Dog...
• “Tokio” oak aged stout – Brew Dog, Scotland
• “Cocoa Mole” spiced chocolate Porter – New Belgium...
• “Haxan” - Right Proper Brewing Co., Washington D.C.
• “Black Marlin” porter – Ballast Point...
• “Love Stout” - Yards...
• “The Long Thaw” white IPA – Harpoon Brewery, Boston MA
• “Heelch O'Hops” Double IPA – Anderson Valley Brewing Co., Boonville CA
• “Dorado” Double IPA – Ballast Point...
• “Victory At Sea” porter – Ballast Point...
• “Smokestack Series” Imperial Stout 2014 – Boulevard Brewing Co., Kansas City MI
• “Enjoy By 02.14.15” IPA – Stone...
• “Sump”stout – Perennial Artisan Ales, St Louis MO
• “Sidamo Coffee Stout” - Hardywood...
• “La Calavera Catrina” Three Chopt Tripel Ale – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Indra Kunindra” India-style export stout - Ballast Point...
• “Deep Cocoa” porter – Victory...
• “Pandemic” Imperial porter – 3 Stars Brewing Co., Washington, D.C.
• “Vanilla Virginia Black Bear” Russian Imperial Stout – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Wookey Jack” Black Rye IPA – Firestone Walker Brewing Co., Paso Robles CA
• “Breakfast” oatmeal coffee stout – Mikkeller, Norway
• “Yin & Yang” Black & Tan – Evil Twin...
• Schlafly “T” Tasmanian style IPA – The Saint Louis Brewery, St. Louis MI
• “Double Jack” Double IPA – Firestone...
• “Schnickelfritz”chocolate cherry Imperial milk stout – Saucony Creek Brewing Co., Kutztown PA
• “Hop Knife” Harvest Ale – Troegs...
• “Mosaic” IPA – Green Flash Brewing Co., San Diego CA
• “Le Freak” Belgian-style Imperial IPA – Green Flash...
• Blood Orange Gose – Anderson Valley...
• “The Remedy” brown ale – Parkway...
• “On The Wings Of Armageddon” Imperial IPA – DC Brau Brewing, Washington D.C.
• “30^th Street” pale ale – Green Flash...
• “Soul Style IPA” - Green Flash...
• “Hop The Pond” Double IPA – New Belgium...
• 2015 “Blushing Monk” Belgian-style raspberry ale – Founders Brewing Co., Grand Rapids MI
• “17” mint chocolate stout – Perennial...
• “Nomad-er Weisse” Berliner-style ale – Evil Twin...
• “Jupiter: The Bringer of Jollity” brown ale – Bell's...
• “Uncle Jacob's Stout” - Avery...
• “Southern Hops'pitality” IPA – Lazy Magnolia Brewing Co., Kiln MS
• “Hi-Res” IIIPA – Sixpoint Brewery, Brookly NY
• “Bourbon Barrel Sidamo” Imperial coffee stout – Hardywood...
• “Black Ops” bourbon barrel stout – Brooklyn Brewery, Brooklyn NY
• “Lorenzini Double IPA” tangerine & blood orange – Maui Brewing Co., Maui HI
• “Chillwave Double IPA” - Great Lakes Brewing Co., Cleveland OH
• “Shipwrecked” Double IPA – Mission Brewery, San Diego CA
• “Abrasive Ale” - Surly Brewing Co., Brooklyn Center MN
• “Lil One” ale – Maine Beer Co., Freeport ME
• “Rumpkin” rum barrel aged ale – Avery...
• “Spring IPA”- Abita Brewing Co., Abita Springs LA
• “Palate Wrecker” Imperial IPA – Green Flash...
• “Blue Reserve Hommelbier” Belgian/American ale – Blue Mountain Barrel House, Arrington VA
• “Bitter Valentine” Double IPA – Alewerks Brewing Co., Williamsburg VA
• “Hop Continuum No. 1 Blood Orange Gypsy IPA” - DuClaw Brewing Co., Baltimore MD
• “Ovila” Belgian-style Abbey tripel – Sierra Nevada collaboration w/The Abbey of New Clairvaux
• “Stickin' In My IPA” rye IPA –collaboration with NOFX - Champion Brewing Co., Charlottesville VA
• “Rye Of The Tiger” rye IPA – Great Lakes...
• “Tenebris: Tequila barrel aged” barleywine – Adroit Theory...
• “Mirror Pond” pale ale- Deschutes Brewery, Bend OR
• “Black Butte Porter” - Daschutes...
• “Warrior” single hop IPA – Flying Dog...
• “Brewhouse Rarities” Earl Grey Black wheat – Flying Dog...
• “Fresh Squeezed” IPA – Deschutes...
• “Illuminatos” Russian Imperial stout – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Fearnought” Imperial brown ale – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Monk's Blood” Belgian-style dark ale - 21^st Amendment Brewery, San Francisco CA
• “Virginia Stingo” red wine barrel-aged – Strangeways Brewing, Richmond VA
• “Supertramp” tart cherry ale – Flying Dog...
• “Soft DK” imperial stout – Evil Twin...
• “Lips of Faith Series” pear ginger beer – New Belgium...

• “Bravo Four Point” IPA – Devils Backbone...
• “Haxan” - Right Proper Brewing Co., Washington D.C.
• “Rowdy” rye IPA – Atlas Brew Works, Washington D.C.
• “Killer Kolsch” - Champion...
• “Smells Like Freedom” IPA – collaboration: D.C. Brau Brewing Co. & Oskar Blues Brewery
• “B/A/Y/S v2.0” Imperial stout – Adroit...
• Coconut Curry Peanut Butter Porter – Adroit...
• “Don't Fear the Reaper” Imperial IPA – Adroit...
• “G/I/A/A” DIPA – Adroit...
• “REDemption” Imperial Red ale – Adroit...
• “Bloody Roots” brown ale/oak-aged – Adroit...
• “Angel's Trumpet” mango IPA – Adroit...
• “The Devil Went Down To Oregon” Imperial rye ale – collaboration: Devils Backbone & Ninkasi Brewing Co.
• “Symposium” IPA – Green Flash...
• “Road Warrior” Imperial rye IPA – Green Flash...
• “Kentucky Rye Barrel IPA” - Alltech's Lexington Brewing Co., Lexington KY
• “411 Smoothie IPA” - Omnipollo, Belgium
• “Ortolan Bunting” American strong ale – Adroit...
• “White Noise” IPA – Adroit...
• “Trendy” Triple IPA – Adroit...
• “Femme Fatale Kabosu” IPA – Evil Twin...
• “Femme Fatale Blanc” IPA – Evil Twin...
• “Femme Fatale Sudachi” IPA – Evil Twin...
• “Imperial Doughnut Break” Imperial porter – Evil Twin...
• “Even More Jesus” Imperial stout – Evil Twin...
• “Aun Masa a Jesus” Imperial stout – Evil Twin...
• “Justin Blabaer” tart blueberry – collaboration: Evil Twin, Westbrook Brewing Co. & The Charleston Beer Exchange
• “secret stache stout” - Finch's Beer Co., Chicago IL
• “Raspberry Reserve” ale – Sly Fox Brewing Co., Royersford PA
• “Ovila” Belgian-style Abbey Saison – collaboration: The Monks & Sierra Nevada...
• “Calling” IPA – Boulevard Brewing Co., Kansas City MI
• “Double Liberty” IPA – Anchor Brewing, San Francisco CA
• “Pump[KY]n” Bourbon barrel-aged porter – Avery...
• “Sunday Morning Stout” Bourbon barrel-aged w/coffee - Weyerbacher Brewing Co., Easton PA
• “Mach 10” IPA – Bear Republic Brewing Co., Cloverdale CA
• “Tongue Buckler” Imperial Red ale – Ballast Point...
• “Kristin's Passion” Mexican hot chocolate porter – Old Ox Brewery, Ashburn VA
• “Kristin's Temper” jalapeno pale ale – Old Ox...
• Peach Tripel – Hardywood...
• “Vinalia Urbana” white wine barrel-aged Belgian-style golden ale – Hardywood...
• “Nuclear Nugget” Imperial honey IPA – Lickinghole Creek...
• Rosemary Saison – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Bourbon Barrel Three Chopt” Tripel ale – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Darjeeling Three Chopt” Tripel ale – Lickinghole Creek...
• “Supreme Leader” spiced Imperial stout – Lickinghole Creek...
• “HiFi + LoFi Mixtape” fresh + barrel-aged ales, Stochasticity Project series– Stone...
• “Treasure Chest” IPA w/hibiscus, prickly pear & grapefruit juice – Green Flash...
• “BLVCK Celebration” rum barrel-aged Imperial porter – Adroit...
• “Equinox” pale oat ale – The Lagunitas Brewing Co., Petaluma CA
• “mo-no” galaxy dry-hopped pilsner – Stillwater...
• “vacuum readymade/” smoked india-styleblack ale – Stillwater...
• “Gemini” super-hopped ale – Southern Tier Brewing Co., Lakewood NY
• “Choklat Oranj” stout – Southern Tier...
• “Pom Peri Possa” sour cherry stout – collaboration: Omnipollo & Buxton Brewery, UK
• “Kirsch Gose” - Victory Brewing Co., Downingtown PA
• Raspberry Sour oak barrel aged – Avery...
• “The Maharaja” Imperial IPA – Avery...
• “Birthday Suit” sour plum Abbey ale – Uinta Brewing Co., Salt Lake City UT
• “Bramble Frumenti” sour blackberry beer/Genius Loci series – Lost Rhino Brewing Co., Ashburn VA
• “Jewbelation #17 Reborn”ale – Shmaltz Brewing Co., Clifton Park NY
• “Black Butte XXVI” bourbon barrel-aged ale w/pomegrante molasses, cranberry & cocoa nibs – Deschutes Brewery, Bend OR
• “Not The Stoic” Belgian-style Quad – Deschutes...
• Robust Porter – Smuttynose Brewing Co., Hampton NH
• Pumpkin Ale – Alewerks Brewing Co., Williamsburg VA
• Pear Lager – Devils Backbone...
• “Stringduster” multi-grain ale – Devils Backbone...
• “Beta Max” DIPA – Devils Backbone...
• “Spider Bite” Black Wheat IPA – Devils Backbone...
• “Trukker Pils” - Devils Backbone...
• “Ambition Ale” - Devils Backbone...
• “Devils Tale” black IPA – Devils Backbone...
• Porter – Port City Brewing Co., Alexandria VA
• Oktoberfest – collaboration: Sierra Nevada & Brauhaus Riegele; Augsburg, Germany
• “Counter Culture” ale – Flying Dog...
• “Twisted Gourd” Imperial chocolate chai pumpkin ale – South Street Brewery, Arrington VA
• “Fairgrounds” Fall ale – Brothers Craft Brewing, Harrisonburg VA
• “Habanero Sculpin” IPA – Ballast Point...
• “Dead Ringer” Oktoberfest – Ballast Point...
• “Pumpkin Down” Scottish ale – Ballast Point...
• “24 Carrot Golden Ale” - Stone...
• Imperial Pumpkin Porter – Epic Brewing co., Salt Lake City UT
• “The Gourd Standard” pumpkin IPA – Flying Dog...
• Honey Kolsch ale – Rogue Farms...
• “The Walking Dead” blood orange IPA – Terrapin...
• “Oatmeal Yeti” Imperial stout – Great Divide Brewing Co., Denver Co
• “Showdown” rye IPA – Great Divide...
• “Honey Queen” Braggot – Samuel Adams...
• IPA – Diamond Knot Craft Brewing, Mukilteo WA
• Gingerbread Stout – Hardywood...
• “2015 Christmas” - Sly Fox...
• “Enjoy By 12.25.15” IPA – Stone...
• “R.I.P.A. On Rye” rye whiskey barrel-aged rye DIPA – Shmatltz...
• “Blackout Stout” Imperial – Great Lakes Brewing Co., Cleveland OH
• Salted Caramel Brownie Brown Ale – New Belgium Brewing Co., Fort Collins CO w/Ben & Jerry's
• Bramble Berry Bourbon Barrel – New Harus Brewing Co., New Harus WI
• “Delirium Noel” Belgian ale – The Huyghe Brewery; Melle/Ghent, Belgium

2015 FILMS VIEWED

• Ex Machina (Alex Garland), 2015 **at the theatre**
• Submarine (Richard Ayoade), 2010
• Basquiat (Julian Schnabel), 1996
• Beautiful Losers (Aaron Rose, Joshua Leonard), 2008
• Dummy (Greg Pritikin), 2002
• Mad Max: Fury Road (George Miller), 2015
• Fed Up (Stephanie Soechtig) 2014
• Star Wars: The Force Awakens (J.J. Abrams) 2015 **at the theatre**

2015 BOOKS READ

• The Peripheral by William Gibson, 2014
• Wildwood Imperium by Colin Meloy, 2014
• The Honey Thief by Elizabeth Graves, 1999
• The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes, 2013
• This Changes Everything by Naomi Klein, 2014
• Earth In The Balance by Al Gore, 1992
• Cameraworks by David Hockney w/ intro piece “True To Life” by Lawrence Weschler, 1984
• No Logo by Naomi Klein, 2000
• The Shining by Stephen King, 1977
• Doctor Sleep by Stephen King, 2013
• Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes, 2014
• Sharp Teeth by Toby Barlow, 2008
• Baba Yaga by Toby Barlow, 2013
• The Silence Of The Lambs by Thomas Harris, 1988
• Zoo City by Lauren Beukes, 2010
• Happiness, Like Water by Chinelo Okparanta, 2013
• Noah's Compass by Anne Tyler, 2009
• The Beginner's Goodbye by Anne Tyler, 2012
• The War On Bugs by Will Allen, 2007
• Moxyland by Lauren Beukes, 2008
• Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, 2012
• The Blue Girl by Charles de Lint, 2004
• Chasing Ghosts by Paul Rieckhoff, 2006
• Death Of The Liberal Class by Chris Hedges, 2010
• Deadly Spin by Wendell Potter, 2010
• Extra Virginity by Tom Mueller, 2012
• The Tao Of Vegetable Gardening by Carol Deppe, 2014
• Green Is The New Red by Will Potter, 2011
• Dirty Wars by Jeremy Scahill, 2014
• An Indigenous People's History Of The United States by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz, 2014
• Indian Country by Peter Matthiessen, 1984
• Mankiller: A Chief And Her People by Wilma Mankiller,1993
• Revival by Stephen King, 2014
• Happy Hour In Hell by Tad Williams, 2013
• Sleeping Late On Judgement Day by Tad Williams, 2014
• Sister Citizen by Melissa V. Harris-Perry, 2011
• Lakota Woman by Mary Crow Dog, 1990
• Rock My Soul by bell hooks, 2003
• Bone Black by bell hooks, 1996
• Headscarves And Hymens: Why The Middle East Needs A Sexual Revolution by Mona Eltahawy, 2015
• The Immortal Life Of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot, 2010
• Roads To Quoz by William Least Heat-Moon, 2008
• Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls, 2009
• River-Horse by William Least Heat-Moon, 1999
• The Great American Stickup by Robert Scheer, 2010
• All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks, 2000
• Ghettoside: A True Story of Murder in America by Jill Leovy, 2015
• The Art Of Living Consciously by Nathaniel Branden, 1997
• The Magicians' Guild by Trudi Canavan, 2001
• Armageddon In Retrospect by Kurt Vonnegut, 2008
• The Real Frank Zappa Book by Frank Zappa, 1989
• Jubilee Hitchhiker: The Life & Times of Richard Brautigan by William Hjortsberg, 2012
• Trout Fishing In America by Richard Brautigan, 1967 (re-read)
• In Watermelon Sugar by Richard Brautigan, 1968 (re-read)
• The Abortion: An Historical Romance 1966 by Richard Brautigan, 1970 (re-read)
• A Full Life: Reflections at Ninety by Jimmy Carter, 2015
• The Hawkline Monster: A Gothic Western by Richard Brautigan, 1974
• Reckless: My Life As A Pretender by Chrissie Hynde, 2015
• On The Move: A Life by Oliver Sacks, 2015
• The Mind's Eye by Oliver Sacks, 2010
• Foodopoly by Wenonah Hauter, 2012
• Notorious RBG by Irin Carmon & Shana Knizhnik, 2015
• Dreams To Remember: Otis Redding, Stax Records, and the Transformation of Southern Soul by Mark Ribowsky, 2015
• Finders Keepers by Stephen King, 2015
• Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson, 2015
• Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, 2012
• Welcome To Braggsville by T. Geronimo Johnson, 2015
• Hyperbole And A Half by Allie Brosh, 2013
• Babel by Patti Smith, 1978
• Katrina: After The Flood by Gary Rivlin, 2015

Carolyn

she didn't have to move
there was no need
for that
to have happened
when the new road came through
the homesite
    was undisturbed
even though
    the house
was torn down
where in the world
have the feral cats gone?
she is no longer there
     to feed them
eight vultures stand testimony
in the bare branches of the front yard's
dead tree

"Empty Words" - guest poet JDF

how sublime
a reaction
to involuntary
wind
rendevouz
can
     be

          6-7-75

poem...

the leaves are dancing to the
perfect tune
of my emotions,
wind-blown and
strewn about/the poems
of my
mind

126/72 Stress Flow Relief

95.5 % efficiency of (Sierra Nevada)
beer bottle cap/as
Mus Musculus
habitational deterrent

poem

pale tail floating - mouse
water reservoir drowning
Autumnal sorrow

dream pieces...

at work, the uniforms have been changed, and they look like something from Munchkin Land...there is much laughter and teasing of co-workers...

i return home, Lesley is here and has started a fire in the woodstove, but i freak out because it's all wrong, so i quickly go about fixing it, closing the doors properly and setting the woodstove back to level...

there are little white flowers (???) all over the floor of the house, apparently blown in by the wind...when i return to the house from doing something outside, a young friend of mine has swept them all up & i am appreciative

dream...

i am at work, and it is not a "store", it is a community; streets/houses/shops...i come across Mary D. there & we talk for a bit...i am selling cigarettes to someone, and cannot find on which street they are located, Cortney reminds me...i take a phone call from a belligerent co-worker which i must cut short because it is closing time...as i walk through the community towards the huge gates, i see so many people all about! including a crowd at the sports field & i begin to wonder just HOW i am going to get them all out so that we can close! there is a trio of gates, and as i lock them all in turn, people open them and come in...i run from one to the other trying to keep people out, and re-lock the gates (which keep changing)...i make a few closing announcements, but it does not help at all, people keep coming in, and very few are leaving...some of the people are quite forceful and rude about their gate crashing, and i remind them that there is nothing to buy because we are closed!!! but on they come...

MMM & i are both pregnant and go to the hospital for some tests, and as i open our room with my store key, Control Center calls to check on what's happening, even though i deactivated the alarm with my code...i explain to the caller what is going on, and she is sympathetic...i wait to see if it is o.k. for us to be there, watching two security men test the room...i am wondering if i should have alerted the doctor first?

Dream...

there is an event at the Pool/Clubhouse area which i am attending, as it is about to begin, i run back to the house to get something out of my car...i cue some music, and see Cindi K. through the kitchen window singing along to the T. Rex song that i have put on. we kind of wink at each other as i run back to the event...hearing the next song begin to play...

dream

there is a vein wrapping itself around my left forearm, ever more tightly - i can see it; blue and medium large...i go to the doctor to have it checked out...he works on my arm, pulls the "vein" from my arm (i can FEEL this process in the dream) and proclaims it to be a worm!!!

musings of despair

I have done something seriously wrong with my life, and i peg it starting with when i decided to be with Robert. That was 35 years ago, and it was a wrong move. Is it too late to fix? Please tell me, "No!!!".

Oh, The Pooch Life

Just returned home from a very nice walk with Rhiannon. Her back legs not 100% strong, but she was feeling good! Good enough to eat something gross out of the neighbor's yard.

dreaming - from September, 1979

i am with Mark Dove, it's friendly and nice

i am at Linda Babylon's mother's place- i am with Erin, in the bathroom helping him get ready for bed, brushing teeth and washing up

i am sitting at a large table-counter. there are a lot of other people sitting at it also. one person, who was at my right, was sorting through the big pile of mail in front of us. in the pile i saw a lot of small packages and letter which were addressed to me. they excited me, for they were from about "everyone". but most important, letters from Catherine! ---i asked the sorter if i would receive these letters at my mailbox today, she says she's not sure, so i ask if i may take the letters now, she says yes. i open some from Catherine, they are on-going letters since the time she disappeared, they are positive in tone---entries dated June and July---

(the 21st) i am at school/work---a very large group of people...
i see Chris Becker and go right up to him, am affectionate with him, he is smiling and returning the affection. we talk, we are friends. i am with Sioux (and Ellen , others in the "group)---we are friends--we are lovers, showing our affection---i hold her in my arms as we walk about, sit down. she has given me a letter/note. love and concerned, caring questions. joyous feelings.

i am expected to do an essay-report by a teacher.

made friends (sexual energy between us) with one---two black men (other people around)

yeast in those 3-pack foil packages [dated ?]

(the 22nd) i want to photograph Colleen, go to her house, but she is busy, asleep. later see her, talk with her, i later have the photographs and am processing them.

i hold Sioux in my arms. she is nestled with her back to my chest, my arms circle her. i am telling her of the dream of her i had yesterday. Ellen is there. Sioux asks if Ellen was in the dream. i think, then say yes.

i am in a house (friends??). a young man is walking up the stairs as i am walking down. he is naked. we're smiling friendly, i pinch his ass as i pass by him. later he, Rick Peabody and i are in Rick's room, there is music. they're paying attention to me. the young guy is a little annoying, sexual tension un-asked for. Rick and i are reminiscing...

(the 23rd: Autumnal Equinox) i have a SX-70 camera, and am taking photographs of a woman who is visiting. she is dear to me. we (she & i and other women) are walking around the town---she sits down in a field, resting. it is a marvelous "photo opportunity", and i hold the camera up framing the shot. someone sits close to her, it is not how i wanted, how i saw the shot.  i move to get only her in the frame but it is difficult to do this and stay with the good lighting, the sun setting is bright, to her back. but i take it anyway. no photo comes out of the camera, i click it again and 3-4 stuck together come out. i peel them apart.

someone (James?) tells me of a blond man i must go see because he is the kind i like, the kind that "gets me hot". so i go over to the wooden bridge to see. i rub myself up against the railing saying, "so he's the kind that gets me hot". then i see him walking below on the pavement by the water. a black man, but he is not handsome! and, he's too fat. phooey. so i look around at all the other people on the bridge, wanting a beautiful blonde curly long hair. i check out all the young hippy men near me, i know some of them. one is Scott Griffin (but does not look like him). he is talking, complaining. "why are you such a bastard?" i ask as he leaves. i connect with a younger man/boy, friendly, blonde, kind eyes. we walk about the town together. i carry him. on the backstreet by the water we see a lot of decoys of different birds. we startle the birds there. swans fly up. ducks, of strange plumage. we stop and look at them, then walk into a building. a tiny shark bites onto my side and the top of my bathing suit, i pull it off and cast it back into the water. i show the people i am with the bite mark on my right side. a perfect circle, i point it out, trace along the mark with my finger---

(the 25th)  i am with a group, including Jeanne Grossman. we are shopping.

Mark Dove and i are together. it is here at home, the MTN, and my father has cut down all the trees in front of the house all the way down to the road, and cleared out all of the brush. now it is all mud. there are many people standing in the road, facing us, and it perplexes me. i say i must get lots of trees to plant. Mark and i hold each other, happy to be together. someone asks me something to which i reply, "NO!", i will stay with Mark. i haven't seen him since January. i've missed him and i've looked so forward to being with him. as i speak, i reach for Mark and we hold each other.

i've had a baby. i hold her, carry her. i forget things about taking care of her. such as when the bottle is misplaced i remember that i can breastfeed. no milk comes out the first time she sucks. later some does, it is sticky and sweet to the taste. i squeeze my right nipple to get some, taste it and tell her, "it's sweet!", then she nurses. ---Betty changes her diaper. i realize that i had put one on her in the morning, but had not yet changed her. she is wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, Betty did it. i am unwrapping her to hold and be with her. we lie on my bed under the big window and talk. ---later, talking on the phone, Betty has taken the baby with her, without asking or telling me. i am quite angry, raise my voice over the phone with Mom, then relax and say "oh just go ahead".

Sally Struthers and her husband and another person on a talk show...

i live (communally) in a town house. a party gathering is going on. a nice looking young man walks by me on the patio out back. i pinch his ass & say you sweet thing. he turns, smiling, attracted to me also. he gently moves my hair from my face, saying "pretty girl". we are very hot for each other. we go upstairs to get him a drink. meet Darlene Arsenault on the stairs, she tells me, "you know how it was _____ & Nancy?, well now it's Darlene & Nancy too". this upsets me, for i am very attracted to Nancy, i want her, not some guy, and now Darlene "has" her. i complain, then Darlene yells at me, tells me off, all the things wrong with me. she thinks i wallow in self-pity and people dislike me for that. i'm upset. i am getting his drink, ice water, i throw/hand it to him then walk out of the kitchen, he follows. then i go back and tell Darlene that i appreciate her telling me how she felt, the truth. but i still think she was unfair. he & i sit on the stairwell. i stroke his face, feeling glad for some affection. Darlene walks down the stairs. i feel conscious of her seeing me touching him, wondering at how she will judge me for this---

i am in Betty's room with him, begin to make love to him, then when i am very aroused, i lie on my back and move his hands toward my pants zipper, which he begins to undo. we are interrupted by Betty. after i close the door and begin walking back to him, i remember "i can lock this door!", which i do, it comes open, i close it again and go back to him, thinking how that passion i had is gone, it was such a special feeling that i had...

i am at school (younger, maybe 12?), my companion is a younger version of the same man. we are in class. Smiley (Marsteller science teacher) is the teacher. class is just beginning, and she is telling the girls to sit more ladylike, like a triangle between the eyes and _____. this upsets me, and i complain, we'll sit however is comfortable, this "feminine" stuff is trash. we get into quite a yelling fight. then class begins. she writes a problem on the board and call on me. i take out/unfold my homework but cannot locate the problem. and the problem makes no sense to me, my companion begins to do the problem out loud, then he stops, saying that he does not want to take it away from me. i say, "ohh, go ahead!"

later, some of us pass out bread. i am wearing a hooded robe. i am thinking "maker of the loaf" and of the special magick of bread. i take my tray up to some male students and tell them that I made this bread, it was not made by the patriarchy ---something about their energy is bad, and my energy is magick (no words to describe it) one of the students and i exchange a knowing look, he realizes my power, and they partake of some of the bread.

(26th)   i am appearing on the Johnny Carson Tonight Show. both Carson and Ed Mcmahon are there, joking. Lucille Ball is a guest also. she is young, and appears quite fragile, weak. she sits wrapped in a blanket on the floor to my left. she looks up at me with big eyes. a close womanfriend is also a guest. she sits to my right. i've a pet friend with me also (rabbit? puppy?) we can look at a TV monitor to see ourselves. 

i am in a college cafeteria. my close womanfriend is there also. many people there. we get something to drink. bottle of (wine? water? fruit juice?)

(27th)   a womanfriend (Gail??) and i are riding the bus to NYC. it is much faster than the train two years ago, i am impressed. it is like a conveyor belt ride. there is an attendant, she shows us how to stand, our hands on the shoulders of the person in front of us (Gail is in front of me) when we go over the bridge. this is a safety precaution for it is raining very hard. we get off in a large building. i put my hands on Gail's shoulders again as a sign of humorous affection. we walk around meeting many people. i have a notebook with me. climbing down off the roof of a building, i hand it to two men so that i can descend easier, without having to hold the notebook. Gail & i go to a restaurant to get some beer. we go to a concert, i am very excited about it. seeing Kate Millett. we sit in the wrong seats. when we move to the correct seats, the people to my left strongly dislike me. the woman wants to hurt me, i give her my arm which she pinches as hard as she can, but it does not hurt. i sit calmly. the concert begins. the woman (black) begins by altering her costume. she moves sensuously. she & i have a rapport. her hands are chained for another "song", she brings them to me for unlocking. i am moved. i do so, and the lock & part of the chain is in my hands. i feel the urge to throw them to the stage, dramatics, but i do not do it for fear of not throwing them far enough and accidentally hitting someone. it is a shame that i do not trust myself. she is moved by my participation, devotion. she speaks about this. she moves to me and we kiss long and lovingly. then the show continues. i move to the left of the room, talk with some black men as the next performance begins. she introduces a lot of young black men who are dressed to represent Black History. one man i'm talking with complains that the show is something like you'd do in school, but i disagree, i see the value and the meaning in the performance. one is dressed as Issac Hayes. there are twins as fighters. they come up to me, their eyes are striking, someone mentions this. the twin on my right puts his leg up on my shoulder. i think he's attractive. i slowly stroke his leg. i make a pun on what they're saying/singing, "yeah, he's a hunk!"...

i am living in apartments where Darlene Peyton is also, we meet each other on the steps and talk. it is good. we leave together. we are at a trash dump, i see a lot of unusual feminist newsletter/magazines. but as i go through them, they change. we leave with nothing. riding my trike/bike together. Darlene says she cannot wait till we get where we can make love. i agree. night and rainy/snowy streets.

i and my partner are waiting, hidden, outside a man's home. see him walk outside. it is night, very dark. we are having trouble with our suits so we are worried the job won't go right. we decide to leave. i start up the horse, and we go up the trail. we are on a wagon the horse is pulling. i notice the horse has many cuts and bloody oozing spots on it. one hoof is almost all disintegrated, so i get the burden off the horse and walk, leading it. my partner asks why stop? and i point out the horse's problem.

i am in a bar. i am an outlaw. a man shoots me many times, but i do not die.