Week In Photos: 7

(untitled poem)

the singer's voice in the
 coffee shop
changes
the molecular structure of
my
presence

then my being becomes
a
floating awareness
in this
light-filled
space

Week in Photos: 6

Week In Photographs: 5

the dreaming recall...

I have been working so much and sleeping so little that I have not been able to remember any of my recent dreams. Last night, however I did sleep, and recall this segment:

i am standing in line to at job #1 when i realize that i have to go to job #2 later on that night, and as i realize this, i break out in sobbing tears, crouching down into a kneeling position i am crying so hard...a couple of people come over to comfort me and see if i am all right...

naked, vulnerable
there is a corner of myself
that is frozen-
would this early morning sun
warm me enough
to melt the pain
caught
therein?

Week In Photographs: 4

Week in Photographs: 3

audio perception

frizzy nimbus representative
of the expansive outreach
that is mind
i often imagine i hear my name
being called
so did not respond
when it actually
was

Week In Photographs: 2

Buddy's head shadow














snowy roots














morning


from the greenhouse














Jade blooming, from the greenhouse

(untitled)

i would paint the canvas
of what i see
when i close my eyes
i would film the movie
of my thoughts when i look at
your face

The Week In Photographs

dream...

we are at our house...i notice that there is smoke starting to fill up the upper ceiling area, the wood stove is not smoking inside...i see a spot in the ceiling where there is smoke puffing out, so i go outside to look at the roof & chimney area...i can see sparks & smoke, so i run back inside to get my phone...i am telling melian about the fire as i try to dial 911...i am having a very difficult time with the phone, as i am panicking a little bit...finally, i get in touch with the dispatcher, who says she is sending a crew...then, two cars pull up in the driveway, one being pushed by some guy, another comes up & it is joey...then a few more, and i see dean out there as well...it is about 6 or 7 cars & i am freaking out...i am wondering WHAT are they doing here? i run outside to tell them all to move their cars as the firetrucks will be here soon...they are working on this as the tankers pull up...as i am opening the door for the firefighters, a solid black german shepherd runs past me inside the door and up the stairs...i think oh, no! a drug-sniffing dog, and one of my friends runs up the stairs after the dog...after they get the fire out, we are in the living room talking...there are a lot of people at my house! the black shep comes back downstairs, and my friend says all is well...i have Rhiannon with me on her leash, and she is growling at the shep, who is trying to be all friendly...i am talking with the firefighters about this, and gradually Rhiannon makes friends with the fire-dog...

grey mist

with coconut oil in my hair and cheap merlot
in my glass
i am living the aftermath
of misty drizzle calming day
read and cat-snuggle
dog snacks!
wash the laundry/the dishes!
a nap happened
even went to work
stoke the fire and
freshen that glass

dream

i have gone to visit d. in NYC to see a show with him...as we are leaving the venu walking to the subway, i tell him about a dream i had the night before where i rode my bicycle out of a place, carrying a friend...we get to the house where we will be staying the night, a relative or friend of his...a dachsund meets us at the door, but d. shushes him and he goes into the other room...i am thinking about how i cannot stay long because i must catch the train back, when i realize that it is not midnight yet, we left the show early! i try to tell all this to d., but it comes out all jumbled, so i laugh and say never mind...we climb into bed...to my surprise we are holding each other, caresses and a very lovely kiss...it is fantastic...later he must get up for work, and tells me that i could stay and meet up with him later if i wanted to...it occurs to me that i could do this! no work in the a.m., and i am in NYC! i say but i don't have my camera, and i've no $$$, but hey, i could take pictures with my phone...then when he is getting ready to take a shower he turns to me and says very sternly, "no weirdness. you & i have been friends for too long"...i answer yeah...but the feeling is not a good one, so i decide to leave and catch the next train out...

Edinburg

dry grey wood
smitty's hunting cabin
hornets nests shed snakeskin

Meritage Kick

My recent Meritage kick has included the following worthy wines:

• Kendall-Jackson "Summation"-(50% Mendocino County, 34% Sonoma County, 15% Napa County, 1% Santa Barbara, Monterey, San Luis Obispo Counties )
• Sterling "Meritage" - (Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Malbec and Petit Verdot)
  
• Apothic Red -(Syrah, Zinfandel, Merlot)
  
• Cupcake "Red Velvet"-( Zinfandel, Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon and Petite Sirah)
• Artisan/Palette Reserve "Meritage" - (5 different undisclosed grapes)
• Robert Mondavi "Meritage" - (41%Merlot, 35%Cabernet Sauvignon, 11&Petit Verdot, 10% Malbec, 3%Cabernet Franc)
• 14 Hands "Hot To Trot" -(Merlot, Syrah, and Cabernet Sauvignon with Mourvedre)
  
  They all wish they were The Winery at La Grange's Meritage!
  

Beer and a Book

Finally reading 'Finnegan's Wake', after all these years. I have had this copy since my "Crown Books" days, and am excited to be into the hefty read!

Yard's "Ales of the Revolution" Tavern Porter was more bubbly & less heavy than I thought it would be. But was it ever delicous! Very drinkable, especially on the cold wintry day when I tried this porter. This craft brew was made following a recipe developed by George Washington for his field officers. The brewery is located in Philadelphia, PA of course!

dream pieces

Richard Peabody comes to visit...

i have shelves and shelves of my books that i am going to donate/release/sell...i am going through them with a friend, we are writing our names in them...(as i move location through the dream, books come with me, more and more of them) i am at a flea market and showing the books to the proprietor, she is very excited, and we enjoy going through them together...i say that i think my books will do very well for her there...as we look at some of the children's books, a young customer shows interest in them!

FILMS VIEWED 2011

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Terry Gilliam), 2009

Where The Wild Things Are

Shutter Island (Martin Scorsese), 2010

Public Enemies (Michael Mann), 2009

Green Zone (Paul Greengrass), 2009

Crazy Heart

BOOKS READ 2011

• PrairyErth by William Least Heat-Moon, 1991

• Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, 1990

• Shadowrise by Tad Williams, 2010

• Shadowheart by Tad Williams, 2010

• The Year Of The Flood by Margaret Atwood, 2009

• The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, 2008

• Nickel And Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich, 2001

• Oryx And Crake by Margaret Atwood, 2003

• Zero History by William Gibson, 2010

• Bait And Switch by Barbara Ehrenreich, 2005

• Kraken by China Mieville, 2010

• Horns by Joe Hill, 2010

• Ghostwritten by David Mitchell, 1999

• Blood Rites by Barbara Ehrenreich, 1997

• The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell, 2010

• Djibouti by Elmore Leonard, 2010

• Inside Wikileaks by Daniel Domscheit-Berg , 2011

• Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig, 1974

• Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis, 2004

• Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre, 1938

• Girls To The Front by Sara Marcus, 2010

• Waking The Moon by Elizabeth Hand, 1995

• Floating Worlds by Cecelia Holland, 1976

• The Beacon At Alexandria by Gillian Bradshaw, 1986

• Still Here by Ram Dass, 2000

• Wildwood by Colin Meloy, 2011

• The Help by Kathryn Stockett, 2009

CRAFT BEER 2011

• Moo-Hoo – Terrapin Beer Company, Athens GA

• My Antonia – Dogfish Head Craft Brewery, Milton DE

• Islander IPA – Coronado Brewing Company, Coronado CA

• First Growth - Creek Ale – Chatoe Rogue/Rogue Ales, Newport OR

• Oxymoron – Left Hand Brewing Company, Longmont CO & Terrapin...

• Loose Cannon – Heavy Seas/Clipper City Brewing Company, Baltimore MD

• Punk IPA – Brewdog Ltd., Fraserburgh Scotland

• Glacier Harverst '10 – Harpoon Brewery, Boston MA & Windsor VT

• Reunion '10 – Terrapin...

• Sanctuary – Full Sail Brewing, Hood River OR

• Demo – Magic Hat...

• Namaste – Dogfish Head...

• Wake And Bake – Terrapin...

• Ellie's Brown Ale – Avery Brewing Co., Boulder CO

• Lucky 7 – Evolution Craft Brewing Co., Delmar DE

• Crickett's Nocturne – Crickett Hill Brewing Co., Fairfield NJ

• Exile ESB – Evolution...Hopfish IPA- Flying Fish Brewing Co., Cherry Hill NJ

• Monumental IPA – Port City Brewing Co., Alexandria VA

• King Crimson - Peak Organic Brewing Co., Portland ME

• Spiral Jetty IPA – Epic Brewing Co., Salt Lake City UT

• Exit 9 – Flying Fish...

• Wilco Tango Foxtrot – Laguntias Brewing Co., Petaluma CA

• Kilt Lifter – Moylan's Brewing Co., Novato CA

• Clown Shoes Brown Angel – Mercury Brewing Co., Ipswich MA

• Fat Tire – New Belgium Brewing Co., Fort Collins CO

• Ranger – New Belgium...

• Trippel – New Belgium...

• Hoptober – New Belgium...

• Harvest Pumpkin Ale – Sam Adams...

• Bonfire Rauchbier – Sam Adams...

• Rotator – Widmer Brothers Brewing, Portland OR

• Snow Day – New Belgium...

• Pitch Black IPA – Widmer...

• Milk Stout – Left Hand...

• Smoke On The Water – Heavy Seas

• Winter White Ale - Bell's...

• Porter Pounder – Ass Kisser Beverage Co., San Jose CA

• Black Radish – Weeping Radish/Farmbrew, Jarvisburg NC

dream segment

melian has decided to start riding her bicycle to school as a way to lessen stress, and improve her life in general...she leaves a little later each time as she gets used to it, and gets better at it...on this day, we talk a little bit before she leaves about this strategy of hers...i watch her pedal down the road...i recline on my bed for a bit, then she returns! she is having a bad time, a bit of stress, she is sorrowful and tearful...she stretches out on the bed and we talk about all of this...the talking feels good, and we resolve some stuff...

the never-ending tape loop in my head...

I am surrounded by beauty. I am walking a path strewn with negativity. I have a positive outlook. I am surrounded by doom. I am having self-esteem issues. I get praise from others. I feel confident in my abilities. I am shown my own stupidity by co-workers. I have everything because of love. I have nothing because of money. I am proud. I am disappointed in myself. I am a good person. I am not a good person. That which I value is meaningful. What am I doing with my life besides working? No one understands what I am saying. I have close friends who understand. What is the first thing I think of upon awakening? Whatever I did wrong the day before. Self-loathing is too easy, but I have had help; you have no common sense, you put too much detail in when you talk...

This is all why I must remember to BE HERE NOW.

dream segment

joanie is home, and having a party at her house...holly is among the numerous people at the party!

ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID

• you can have this one, it's broken
• i should have given you some of MY lettuce
• i shouldn't have given you that one, it's worth money
• i should have given you some of MY hostas
• i thought you were going to call first
• you would never have bought this for yourself
• just don't ask him TOO many times
• after all, this is MY kitchen
• he doesn't like Leo women
• i don't have time for your blog
  

dream segment

i become part of a group of people doing an espionage maneuver...as we gather together to learn of our mission, we also get ready for our disguises...the woman who is leading us gives us our clothes...i am to wear a skirt suit with hose and heels...i say, "oh no! i haven't shaved my legs in a long time! this will be uncomfortable!"

For Ram Dass

right now is
here
tree bones
across the trail
the colorization of the cricket's song
is the yellow
butterfly
on the
lavender asters

dream segment

i work at a brand new health food store. we are getting ready for our premier opening. many customers come in, business is good. i help two customers find the books they want. at the end of the day, there are many abandoned items, mostly deli cheeses. as i am taking them back, a co-worker comments that our stuff is expensive.

yearning

mind like open space
eyes like glittering stars
the feeling
of the desire to communicate
the hope that it will
occur
the knowing of the depth and
possibility
the wondering and the joy
of the moment

no romance

reaching and reaching and
embracing
and the warmth of the holding
and
the feeling of the
connection
that's all, that's all
the reaching

romantic dream

i am hanging out with dweezil zappa at his house...we are having a good time getting to know each other, and we begin to fall in love...at first i am afraid to kiss him because i think that my breath is bad, but then the kisses are so good i lose my fear...at one point he has on a white t-shirt with "zappa" and other designs written on it in charcoal...

dream piece

rhiannon is out in the yard and that is o.k. because she is not running off, but then she does run off...and she is gone...then there is another dog, and he is out in the yard and won't run off, and it is supposed to be o.k., but i worry...

'Girls To The Front' by Sara Marcus, 2010

Subtitled "The True Story of the RIOT GRRRL Revolution"...I was very excited to read this book, as I have been a proponent of riot grrrl from the outset. I found the subject matter of great interest but sadly did not enjoy Marcus' writing style. Be that as it may, I do recommend this to any music fan, feminist, or combination thereof. (Watch "Don't Need You: The Herstory of Riot Grrrl", directed by Keri Koch, 2005)

the odd dream scrap here & there...

7/25 - dreamed of Lorraine & Amanda

7/27 - dreamed about Mary: she drove to the house in some huge vehicle (camper?) and had a rough time getting parked in the driveway. she brought Cherry Wheats with her...

'Nausea' by Jean-Paul Sartre, 1938

Odd how this book did not come alive for me until the end, when the main character; Antoine Roquentin, meets with his previous love; Anny. It is after that meeting when he realizes so much more about existence, and seems to accept existence. It was difficult for me to relate to Roquentin's discomfort with and horror of organic life.

some dream segments

i go to cadence's house but she is not there, so i talk with her mom for a while...as i go through the front door, the foyer is quite dark...(the house is much different)...i am in the kitchen, and a few other rooms...

i stop by the leonard's house to visit

Tadpole Dream

i am driving through a town i do not know, when i see big rain puddles on either side of the road...i hear frogs, and see a young girl near the puddles exclaiming about tadpoles, so i stop to check it out...sure enough, there are many tadpoles in both big puddles, so i text Tammy to tell her that i found some tadpoles for Emily...i send her the names of the streets, and tell her to come meet me there...