Week In Photographs: 4

Week in Photographs: 3

audio perception

frizzy nimbus representative
of the expansive outreach
that is mind
i often imagine i hear my name
being called
so did not respond
when it actually
was

Week In Photographs: 2

Buddy's head shadow














snowy roots














morning


from the greenhouse














Jade blooming, from the greenhouse

(untitled)

i would paint the canvas
of what i see
when i close my eyes
i would film the movie
of my thoughts when i look at
your face

The Week In Photographs

dream...

we are at our house...i notice that there is smoke starting to fill up the upper ceiling area, the wood stove is not smoking inside...i see a spot in the ceiling where there is smoke puffing out, so i go outside to look at the roof & chimney area...i can see sparks & smoke, so i run back inside to get my phone...i am telling melian about the fire as i try to dial 911...i am having a very difficult time with the phone, as i am panicking a little bit...finally, i get in touch with the dispatcher, who says she is sending a crew...then, two cars pull up in the driveway, one being pushed by some guy, another comes up & it is joey...then a few more, and i see dean out there as well...it is about 6 or 7 cars & i am freaking out...i am wondering WHAT are they doing here? i run outside to tell them all to move their cars as the firetrucks will be here soon...they are working on this as the tankers pull up...as i am opening the door for the firefighters, a solid black german shepherd runs past me inside the door and up the stairs...i think oh, no! a drug-sniffing dog, and one of my friends runs up the stairs after the dog...after they get the fire out, we are in the living room talking...there are a lot of people at my house! the black shep comes back downstairs, and my friend says all is well...i have Rhiannon with me on her leash, and she is growling at the shep, who is trying to be all friendly...i am talking with the firefighters about this, and gradually Rhiannon makes friends with the fire-dog...

grey mist

with coconut oil in my hair and cheap merlot
in my glass
i am living the aftermath
of misty drizzle calming day
read and cat-snuggle
dog snacks!
wash the laundry/the dishes!
a nap happened
even went to work
stoke the fire and
freshen that glass

dream

i have gone to visit d. in NYC to see a show with him...as we are leaving the venu walking to the subway, i tell him about a dream i had the night before where i rode my bicycle out of a place, carrying a friend...we get to the house where we will be staying the night, a relative or friend of his...a dachsund meets us at the door, but d. shushes him and he goes into the other room...i am thinking about how i cannot stay long because i must catch the train back, when i realize that it is not midnight yet, we left the show early! i try to tell all this to d., but it comes out all jumbled, so i laugh and say never mind...we climb into bed...to my surprise we are holding each other, caresses and a very lovely kiss...it is fantastic...later he must get up for work, and tells me that i could stay and meet up with him later if i wanted to...it occurs to me that i could do this! no work in the a.m., and i am in NYC! i say but i don't have my camera, and i've no $$$, but hey, i could take pictures with my phone...then when he is getting ready to take a shower he turns to me and says very sternly, "no weirdness. you & i have been friends for too long"...i answer yeah...but the feeling is not a good one, so i decide to leave and catch the next train out...

Edinburg

dry grey wood
smitty's hunting cabin
hornets nests shed snakeskin

Meritage Kick

My recent Meritage kick has included the following worthy wines:

• Kendall-Jackson "Summation"-(50% Mendocino County, 34% Sonoma County, 15% Napa County, 1% Santa Barbara, Monterey, San Luis Obispo Counties )
• Sterling "Meritage" - (Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Malbec and Petit Verdot)
  
• Apothic Red -(Syrah, Zinfandel, Merlot)
  
• Cupcake "Red Velvet"-( Zinfandel, Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon and Petite Sirah)
• Artisan/Palette Reserve "Meritage" - (5 different undisclosed grapes)
• Robert Mondavi "Meritage" - (41%Merlot, 35%Cabernet Sauvignon, 11&Petit Verdot, 10% Malbec, 3%Cabernet Franc)
• 14 Hands "Hot To Trot" -(Merlot, Syrah, and Cabernet Sauvignon with Mourvedre)
  
  They all wish they were The Winery at La Grange's Meritage!
  

Beer and a Book

Finally reading 'Finnegan's Wake', after all these years. I have had this copy since my "Crown Books" days, and am excited to be into the hefty read!

Yard's "Ales of the Revolution" Tavern Porter was more bubbly & less heavy than I thought it would be. But was it ever delicous! Very drinkable, especially on the cold wintry day when I tried this porter. This craft brew was made following a recipe developed by George Washington for his field officers. The brewery is located in Philadelphia, PA of course!

dream pieces

Richard Peabody comes to visit...

i have shelves and shelves of my books that i am going to donate/release/sell...i am going through them with a friend, we are writing our names in them...(as i move location through the dream, books come with me, more and more of them) i am at a flea market and showing the books to the proprietor, she is very excited, and we enjoy going through them together...i say that i think my books will do very well for her there...as we look at some of the children's books, a young customer shows interest in them!

FILMS VIEWED 2011

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Terry Gilliam), 2009

Where The Wild Things Are

Shutter Island (Martin Scorsese), 2010

Public Enemies (Michael Mann), 2009

Green Zone (Paul Greengrass), 2009

Crazy Heart

BOOKS READ 2011

• PrairyErth by William Least Heat-Moon, 1991

• Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, 1990

• Shadowrise by Tad Williams, 2010

• Shadowheart by Tad Williams, 2010

• The Year Of The Flood by Margaret Atwood, 2009

• The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, 2008

• Nickel And Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich, 2001

• Oryx And Crake by Margaret Atwood, 2003

• Zero History by William Gibson, 2010

• Bait And Switch by Barbara Ehrenreich, 2005

• Kraken by China Mieville, 2010

• Horns by Joe Hill, 2010

• Ghostwritten by David Mitchell, 1999

• Blood Rites by Barbara Ehrenreich, 1997

• The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell, 2010

• Djibouti by Elmore Leonard, 2010

• Inside Wikileaks by Daniel Domscheit-Berg , 2011

• Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig, 1974

• Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis, 2004

• Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre, 1938

• Girls To The Front by Sara Marcus, 2010

• Waking The Moon by Elizabeth Hand, 1995

• Floating Worlds by Cecelia Holland, 1976

• The Beacon At Alexandria by Gillian Bradshaw, 1986

• Still Here by Ram Dass, 2000

• Wildwood by Colin Meloy, 2011

• The Help by Kathryn Stockett, 2009

CRAFT BEER 2011

• Moo-Hoo – Terrapin Beer Company, Athens GA

• My Antonia – Dogfish Head Craft Brewery, Milton DE

• Islander IPA – Coronado Brewing Company, Coronado CA

• First Growth - Creek Ale – Chatoe Rogue/Rogue Ales, Newport OR

• Oxymoron – Left Hand Brewing Company, Longmont CO & Terrapin...

• Loose Cannon – Heavy Seas/Clipper City Brewing Company, Baltimore MD

• Punk IPA – Brewdog Ltd., Fraserburgh Scotland

• Glacier Harverst '10 – Harpoon Brewery, Boston MA & Windsor VT

• Reunion '10 – Terrapin...

• Sanctuary – Full Sail Brewing, Hood River OR

• Demo – Magic Hat...

• Namaste – Dogfish Head...

• Wake And Bake – Terrapin...

• Ellie's Brown Ale – Avery Brewing Co., Boulder CO

• Lucky 7 – Evolution Craft Brewing Co., Delmar DE

• Crickett's Nocturne – Crickett Hill Brewing Co., Fairfield NJ

• Exile ESB – Evolution...Hopfish IPA- Flying Fish Brewing Co., Cherry Hill NJ

• Monumental IPA – Port City Brewing Co., Alexandria VA

• King Crimson - Peak Organic Brewing Co., Portland ME

• Spiral Jetty IPA – Epic Brewing Co., Salt Lake City UT

• Exit 9 – Flying Fish...

• Wilco Tango Foxtrot – Laguntias Brewing Co., Petaluma CA

• Kilt Lifter – Moylan's Brewing Co., Novato CA

• Clown Shoes Brown Angel – Mercury Brewing Co., Ipswich MA

• Fat Tire – New Belgium Brewing Co., Fort Collins CO

• Ranger – New Belgium...

• Trippel – New Belgium...

• Hoptober – New Belgium...

• Harvest Pumpkin Ale – Sam Adams...

• Bonfire Rauchbier – Sam Adams...

• Rotator – Widmer Brothers Brewing, Portland OR

• Snow Day – New Belgium...

• Pitch Black IPA – Widmer...

• Milk Stout – Left Hand...

• Smoke On The Water – Heavy Seas

• Winter White Ale - Bell's...

• Porter Pounder – Ass Kisser Beverage Co., San Jose CA

• Black Radish – Weeping Radish/Farmbrew, Jarvisburg NC

dream segment

melian has decided to start riding her bicycle to school as a way to lessen stress, and improve her life in general...she leaves a little later each time as she gets used to it, and gets better at it...on this day, we talk a little bit before she leaves about this strategy of hers...i watch her pedal down the road...i recline on my bed for a bit, then she returns! she is having a bad time, a bit of stress, she is sorrowful and tearful...she stretches out on the bed and we talk about all of this...the talking feels good, and we resolve some stuff...

the never-ending tape loop in my head...

I am surrounded by beauty. I am walking a path strewn with negativity. I have a positive outlook. I am surrounded by doom. I am having self-esteem issues. I get praise from others. I feel confident in my abilities. I am shown my own stupidity by co-workers. I have everything because of love. I have nothing because of money. I am proud. I am disappointed in myself. I am a good person. I am not a good person. That which I value is meaningful. What am I doing with my life besides working? No one understands what I am saying. I have close friends who understand. What is the first thing I think of upon awakening? Whatever I did wrong the day before. Self-loathing is too easy, but I have had help; you have no common sense, you put too much detail in when you talk...

This is all why I must remember to BE HERE NOW.

dream segment

joanie is home, and having a party at her house...holly is among the numerous people at the party!

ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID

• you can have this one, it's broken
• i should have given you some of MY lettuce
• i shouldn't have given you that one, it's worth money
• i should have given you some of MY hostas
• i thought you were going to call first
• you would never have bought this for yourself
• just don't ask him TOO many times
• after all, this is MY kitchen
• he doesn't like Leo women
• i don't have time for your blog
  

dream segment

i become part of a group of people doing an espionage maneuver...as we gather together to learn of our mission, we also get ready for our disguises...the woman who is leading us gives us our clothes...i am to wear a skirt suit with hose and heels...i say, "oh no! i haven't shaved my legs in a long time! this will be uncomfortable!"

For Ram Dass

right now is
here
tree bones
across the trail
the colorization of the cricket's song
is the yellow
butterfly
on the
lavender asters

dream segment

i work at a brand new health food store. we are getting ready for our premier opening. many customers come in, business is good. i help two customers find the books they want. at the end of the day, there are many abandoned items, mostly deli cheeses. as i am taking them back, a co-worker comments that our stuff is expensive.

yearning

mind like open space
eyes like glittering stars
the feeling
of the desire to communicate
the hope that it will
occur
the knowing of the depth and
possibility
the wondering and the joy
of the moment

no romance

reaching and reaching and
embracing
and the warmth of the holding
and
the feeling of the
connection
that's all, that's all
the reaching

romantic dream

i am hanging out with dweezil zappa at his house...we are having a good time getting to know each other, and we begin to fall in love...at first i am afraid to kiss him because i think that my breath is bad, but then the kisses are so good i lose my fear...at one point he has on a white t-shirt with "zappa" and other designs written on it in charcoal...

dream piece

rhiannon is out in the yard and that is o.k. because she is not running off, but then she does run off...and she is gone...then there is another dog, and he is out in the yard and won't run off, and it is supposed to be o.k., but i worry...

'Girls To The Front' by Sara Marcus, 2010

Subtitled "The True Story of the RIOT GRRRL Revolution"...I was very excited to read this book, as I have been a proponent of riot grrrl from the outset. I found the subject matter of great interest but sadly did not enjoy Marcus' writing style. Be that as it may, I do recommend this to any music fan, feminist, or combination thereof. (Watch "Don't Need You: The Herstory of Riot Grrrl", directed by Keri Koch, 2005)

the odd dream scrap here & there...

7/25 - dreamed of Lorraine & Amanda

7/27 - dreamed about Mary: she drove to the house in some huge vehicle (camper?) and had a rough time getting parked in the driveway. she brought Cherry Wheats with her...

'Nausea' by Jean-Paul Sartre, 1938

Odd how this book did not come alive for me until the end, when the main character; Antoine Roquentin, meets with his previous love; Anny. It is after that meeting when he realizes so much more about existence, and seems to accept existence. It was difficult for me to relate to Roquentin's discomfort with and horror of organic life.

some dream segments

i go to cadence's house but she is not there, so i talk with her mom for a while...as i go through the front door, the foyer is quite dark...(the house is much different)...i am in the kitchen, and a few other rooms...

i stop by the leonard's house to visit

Tadpole Dream

i am driving through a town i do not know, when i see big rain puddles on either side of the road...i hear frogs, and see a young girl near the puddles exclaiming about tadpoles, so i stop to check it out...sure enough, there are many tadpoles in both big puddles, so i text Tammy to tell her that i found some tadpoles for Emily...i send her the names of the streets, and tell her to come meet me there...

Lessons Not Yet Learned

"Congress is not preparing to defend the people of the United States. It is planning to protect the capital of American speculators and investors.... Incidentally this preparation will benefit the manufacturers of munitions and war machines.... Strike against war, for without you no battles can be fought! Strike against manufacturing shrapnel and gas bombs and all other tools of murder! Strike against preparedness that means death and misery to millions of human beings! Be not dumb, obedient slaves in an army of destruction! Be heroes in an army of construction!"

-Helen Keller at Carnegie Hall January 5, 1916

An On-Going Thing Of Beauty...

This is The Style, and really; everyone MUST know. Please, join us in the wonderful, the exhilarating, "Pays-Bas Cycle Chic".

Let's Catch Up On Some Dreaming...

i have just had another baby...it seems to be my daughter again, like a melian junior. which is odd, but cool...i am nursing her in various different settings...people are talking with me, i am hanging out with friends, all is very happy...she does a big poo, so then i am putting her on the changing table for a new diaper...she becomes much like a doll as i turn her to clean her and try to put on the new diaper...in the stillness of her body she is more difficult to handle...she falls...she has on a miniature ball cap with the bill forward which protects her face...i pick her up and get the new diaper on her...

i am at what seems to be a border...could it be between VA and PA???, because over the barrier i am talking with Aaron, and he is a white oxford shirt & tie-wearing "Giant Food" manager...he is talking on the phone, but he is also talking with me...oh! it is so good to see him! we talk between the business interruptions...

i am at the porch & side yard area of my house...a very large flock of birds comes around the trees nearby...it is beautiful and fascinating...there are people visiting, and i am talking with them when i notice a new influx of birds, but this is really unusual & remarkable, for a tremendous flock of parrots has arrived! I gasp as i notice the first one, which lands on the screen and squawks...i hurry to look outside; it is a living rainbow! parrots everywhere...then i also notice cockatoos, cockatiels and african greys! they are all over, and many children are looking at them and milling around amongst them!

Books & Beers...

While reading 'Shadowrise' and 'Shadowheart' by Tad Williams, I was fortunate enough to be able to enjoy this quality craft beer selection: "Punk IPA", "Oxymoron", "Islander IPA", "Sanctuary", "Glacier Harvest '10" from Harpoon Brewery's 100 Barrel series; a wet hop ale, "Creek Ale" from Chatoe Rogue's First Growth series using their own hops & barley, and "Reunion '10" from Terrapin; a Belgian style scotch ale. (more details to follow)

dream segment

I am incinerating a huge pile of clothing when i realize wait!!! i could be donating these in the Planet Aid box!!! so i stop and begin to collect...

My Last Wineglass

Craft Brew 2010

• Theobroma – Dogfish Head Craft Brewery, Milton DE

• The “CENSORED” - Lagunitas Brewing Company, Petaluma CA

• Pale Ale – Mountaineer Brewing Company, Martinsburg WV

• Porter – Duck Rabbit

• Milk Stout – Duck Rabbit

• Samurai – Great Divide

• Octoberfest – Stoudts...

• Little Sumpin' – Lagunitas...

• ESB – Mad Fox

• Best Brown Ale – Bell's...

• Belgian Black – Blue Mountain...

• Pumpkin Ale – Vintage 50...

• Dry Hopped Bitter – Vintage 50...

• Fall Festivus Ale – Cricket Hill, NJ

• Hell Or High Watermelon - 21^st Amendment Brewery

• Porter – Thirsty Dog

• Warrior IPA – Left Hand...

• Fresh Hop pale ale – Great Divide...

• Chocolate Bock – Samuel Adams...

• Holiday Porter- Samuel Adams...

• Encore – Magic Hat...

• Odd Notion Winter '10 – Magic Hat...

• India Copper Ale – Saranac...

• Lake Effect Lager – Saranac...

• Vanilla Stout – Saranac...

• Yellow Snow IPA - Rogue....
  

this is not a full list, as I suffered some data loss earlier in the year...

Books Read 2010

• Saigon, Illinois by Paul Hoover

• Ellen Foster by Kaye Gibbons

• Breaking & Entering by Joy Williams

• The Last Election by Pete Davies

• Promise Of The Wolves by Dorothy Hearst

• Dancing In The Dark by Janet Hobhouse

• Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson

• Methland by Nick Reding

• True Confections by Katherine Weber

• Life & Fate by Vasily Grossman

• Timbuktu by Paul Aster

• Just Kids by Patti Smith

• Oscar Wilde by Richard Ellmann

• Walt Whitman/A Life by Justin Kaplan

• The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett

• Road Dogs by Elmore Leonard

• The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barberry

• The Weaker Vessel by Antonia Fraser

• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

• Pure Lust by Mary Daly

• Outercourse by Mary Daly, 1992

• Quintessence by Mary Daly, 1998

• The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, 2006

• The Greatest Show On Earth by Richard Dawkins, 2009

• American Fascists, by Chris Hedges, 2006

• Murder In The Name Of Honor by Rana Husseini, 2009

• The World Without Us by Alan Weisman, 2007

• Composed by Rosanne Cash, 2010

• The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K. Chesterton

this is not a full list as I suffered some data loss earlier in the year...

Make Mine VA Wine 2010

1. Cabernet Franc - 2006, Marterella...

2. Riesling - 2008, La Grange...

3. Pinot Gris 2009, Toll Gate Winery & La Grange...

Films Viewed 2010

Tenacious D in "The Pick of Destiny" (Liam Lynch), 2006

W. (Oliver Stone), 2008

Lords of Dogtown (Catherine Hardwicke), 2005

Alice In Wonderland (Tim Burton), 2010 **at the theatre**

Food, Inc. (Robert Kenner), 2008

Dreamgirls

Beer Wars (Anat Baron), 2009

Kick Ass (Matthew Vaughn), 2010 **at the theatre**

9, (Shane Acker), 2009

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Toy Story 3 **at the theatre**

Inception **at the theatre**

Salt **at the theatre**

The Kids Are All Right **at the theatre**

Scott Pilgrim vs The World **at the theatre**

The Yes Men (Ollman, Price,Smith), 2003

Wendy and Lucy (Kelly Reichardt), 2008

The Informant! (Stephen Soderbergh), 2009

Invictus (Clint Eastwood), 2009

Winter Solstice

dream segment...

i dream that i meet george harrison's son...he brings his child over to play...as we are talking, i try to tell him about a newspaper article i read, and about parts of rosanne cash's book 'Composed' that had to do with his father and how that impacted me, but there were many distractions and i was not being very articulate...that was frustrating, but as we talked i thought about how he is probably weary of talking about his father with people anyway...

"Record Store Day" dream...

i am driving/walking in Fairfax looking for Record and Tape Exchange...find the store and we walk across the street up to the door...there are two employees standing outside having a chat, one of them opens the door for me as we approach and makes a bit of small talk...i realize that i have forgotten the LPs that i wanted to exchange, so i won't have any money to get the Decemberists new single that i wanted, but i am going to browse anyway...there is another customer coming in, she is a regular, we say "hellos" as she walks by, she's got lots of tattoos and turquoise jewelery and long graying blond/brown hair...i find a couple of Grateful Dead box sets that are partial sets so i look at the booklets...later i find two Mandrill LPs from the late 1970's, and i get very excited...i stand there trying to figure out how i can buy them even though i have no money right now...

State of Mind rant: feel free to ignore

Even though i promised myself a "new beginning" on December 1st (began new job that day...), i have yet to truly connect with that in any real sense. I am not at all close to that feeling of self, alive and centered. I feel blocked, yet I know that possibility and growth are within my reach. I have an awareness, but seem unable to fully act. Unless I am making excuses: too cold, too stressed about $$$, etc. I'll be better when: this happens, or this happens, or? Circular thought patterns bringing me right back to here. Here and now? yes, but static. I need to take time, yes, but i need to focus. Not slipping back into depression, but almost. Need to go for a walk, need to go alone, guilt about not taking my dog along, she needs a long walk too, so i don't go. So what gets accomplished? Nothing. I was beginning to get organized and felt really good about that, but then I ran out of money (needed for some projects like CD case, etc.) so must wait for first paycheck to get bills paid, then the cold weather hit, and must wait for new heating system to be installed before moving on with projects because the cold really zaps my energy levels. Plus adjusting to the new job. I do miss the grocery store. (NOT that hell-hole in Alexandria, though. whew.) I am anxious about not making enough $$$ to pay my bills. I need to go full-time as soon as I can. I need a second job until then. I need to take my camera everywhere with me again. I need a good cry to get this all out of my system. I need to remember that I am a good person, and let go of all the negativity that I have accumulated from relationships past.

Beer And A Book

Far overdue, this latest installment of the much-loved (by few) series. This episode brings us a Vanilla Stout from Saranac in New York. Brewed with Chocolate and Caramel Malts and vanilla. Smooth and tasty, perfect for this cold night, quaffing and reading; 'The Greatest Show On Earth' by Richard Dawkins. Showing his sense of humor all over the place, Dawkins gives us the facts in an anecdotal style.

And check this out: Sam Calagione has his OWN beer & a book pairings to share...

My Applications

Wegman's - five rejection e-mails...
Whole Foods
Costco
Target - one rejection e-mail...
Lowe's - two rejection e-mails...& 1 call plus interview = HIRED
Staples
Bed Bath & Beyond
Borders
Trader Joe's
Safeway
Giant - & interview = HIRED
SERVE
Clock Tower Thrift
The Farm at Broad Run
Foster's Grill
The Fauquier Bank
Barrel Oak Winery
Three Fox Vineyards
Total Wine
Barnes & Noble
Pet Smart
Bloom
CVS
Port City Brewing Company
28 North Custom Beer Company
Chrysalis Vineyards

Help Cookie Monster host Saturday Night Live

everywhere, some beauty to be found...

rain-soaked leaves lay sparkling
gem-like
on the shiny asphalt road
wind-strewn
a carpet glittering
on the long midnight road
sharp intake of breath
and quick smile
on the late-night road
home

State Of Mind

I think that I have reached the point where I have worked through the stress of the lay-off & transfer to this store that I call The Hell-Hole. I am now left with the depression. This is not my favorite state of mind, by any means. I am not very functional when I am depressed. Indeed, who is? I have put out so many applications to so many open jobs this past month, and have received zero calls. I have gotten three rejection e-mails, however. (Seriously, "Wegman's"?) For instance, today I hid in bed for five hours. Sleeping and dreaming. Letting my subconscious deal with all of it! My body aches from lack of "exercise". My mind aches from the worry and dissatisfaction. I am trying to focus on the positive; I have a job. I am also trying to better my situation; applying for jobs and talking to people/contacts. So I think that I am dealing fairly well with the whole situation, I just worry that I am overlooking something. Truly, tomorrow, I must work out or hike. Do some yoga. Nothing heals depression like "exercise"...movement...focus and breathing...

dream piece featuring Kevlar...

i am at work, doing programming...i am over by produce when i hear Kevlar's voice on the intercom system, the phone is off the hook at the register where he is working, so i can hear everything that he is saying...he has just said something about sex to his customer! i say to the co-worker near me, "did i just hear kevin say that?" and i walk over to his register to let him know that he needs to hang up the phone...he is dressed in a very dapper brown suit, and still having fun talking with his customer! it's also fun when i let him know that the whole store has just heard all that he's said! oops!

early morning reflection...

dream segment...

i am having to ward off demonic possession...repeated attacks...the way to do this is by very precise breathing techniques and chanting/toning/screaming to a particular volume level and intensity...a woman is leaning over me, up in my face and i cannot tell if she is benevolent or demonic so i begin my breathing and chanting as she speaks into my face...

This is where I wake up, because my "ghostly moaning" woke up my daughter, who texted me, then came into my room to make sure that I was o.k.! Apparently that last vocalization of mine was out loud and very scary-sounding.

Life

Yeah, so...i got laid off from work today.

Angry Beavers

While I do not appear to be completely awake, I do have my coffee and Washington Post in hand.

this is not haiku

steaming leaf compost pile
early autumn morning

Brown Cotton 9/29/2010

abandoned
on the road-
Unconditional Glove

Seeking balance & contentment...

The worst thing is when you let a man get inside your head. They take up way too much emotional space. They fill your head with their thinking patterns, and you begin to self-check yourself based on their criteria. It is toxic. For instance my new job position entails working four late shifts. This only seems to be a problem for me to adjust to because of the man who lives with me. This guilt and stress I feel when I sleep until 11 a.m.? Based on his patterns and perceptions. I have realized this, and will work to remove this negative mindset. Because I am OVER being depressed, and I want to be happy again.

Memories...

Back in the late 1960's, early 70's, whenever we drove through Georgetown, D.C. my father would make us lock the doors of the car. So the hippies wouldn't get us. Yes, my father voted for Richard Nixon.

Near Death By Friend

Driving to work in the afternoon i am almost hit head-on by a huge pickup which was all over in my lane. The truck swerved quickly to avoid impact. Felt the wind on that one. Cussing a blue streak, heart pounding. Make it to work alive, yay! Later on that evening Daisy's sister comes in the store and i holler out a hello to her. She asks me didn't she see me earlier on the road, just missed hitting me? I am stunned! It was somebody i know! I tell her does she have any idea how much i was cussing her? Told her to stay on her side of the road, jeez! What the hell? So she asks if her sis is still there and just roams on off. Whoah.

Tuliptree Silkmoth sighting...

I found a Tuliptree Silkmoth today. It was napping on some moss underneath a mountain laurel. Beautiful. When I brought Chuck over to show him, it flew up up and away. I did not take a photo, I am sorry to say. So here's a link to some info and photos about this beautiful North American moth. Here is a good photo, as well.

tiny VW dream piece...

i dreamed of Volkswagens, lots and lots of VWs everywhere, because it was "Bug-Out" weekend...

And of course, "Bug-Out" weekend is coming up soon, check it out here...

'Rhiannon is a Dog Hero' dream...

there is a serious storm approaching, and we are all feeling a bit apprehensive...Rhiannon escapes out the door, and does not come back when i call her, i am very worried...when she later returns, she has rounded up and brought home a number of black labs in various sizes...when i open the screen door for her, she rounds them up and herds them into the house, then she jets out the door again...when she returns, she has brought a few yellow labs & golden retrievers, and does the same herding inside procedure, then she is off again...she brings back two chocolate labs, one of them quite old...we tend to the oldster and bring them all inside...i am quite proud of Rhiannon, she is a dog hero...she wanted all the dogs to be in a safe place for the impending storm...

The Beauty of Life

At 1:35 a.m. this morning, I heard a whippoorwill! It has been decades since I heard one. My spirit soars in joy.

Uno Haiku

whistling to The Fray, a
white guy in blue tie
branches bend in the Spring wind

Brewpub Dream...

i am interviewing for a job at a very cool-looking brewpub...part of the test i am taking involves sniffing sneakers and identifying which beer had been poured and served in each one! crazy! i am not doing so good, but it doesn't seem to matter, even though the guy testing me has a very serious, severe demeanor...at a later point he tells me that i am not to talk with the other female employees, some thing about avoiding sexual harassment, and i am thinking WTF? i also have a feeling that the other women just kind of blow this crap off, because they have all been friendly with me, and talkative!...there is a delightful variety of beer, both in bottle and on tap...learning the beers, i get to taste samples & apparently you are allowed one beer a day when at work...the t-shirts are also very cool, each featuring a different beer...i am being taught the proper glass-cleaning procedure and serving techniques...hanging around with some of my co-workers after my shift; a dark-haired woman show buys me a beer, wearing glasses and full of smiles & kindness, a buzz-cut guy who is warm and silly and asks for a smooch on the forehead...lots of hugs given here...coming back the next day for my shift, one of the guys & i race to grab an oatmeal stout "for breakfast"! what fun!

Children are people too. Really.

At work last Sunday evening, two of my co-workers and I were having a conversation that touched on children "hating" their parents. M. said that her 17-year old son hates her. T. said that if our kids don't hate us at 17 that we are not doing our job. He said that our job is not to be friends with our kids, but to teach them.
I have heard and read this stance before. I disagree. Why have children if you cannot be friends with them? Why does "teaching" them preclude being their friend? Does being a child's friend mean that you cannot teach them anything? Does being a child's friend as a parent mean that you do not discipline them? It brings to mind the time that a previous co-worker of mine saw me in my car with my infant daughter, she saw me talk to my daughter. She expressed amazement that I would be talking to my daughter, "as if she were a person". Yes, that's a quote. I told her that actually, my daughter IS a person, and yes I speak to her as such. Well, I do have a role model in all this. My mother loved me, was a fantastic parent to me, and was my friend. She taught me much in life. I can only hope that I am anywhere near as good a parent to my daughter as my mother was to me.

American Takfiris

American Takfiris - Politics - The Atlantic

This is a beautiful, intelligently written piece by Adam Serwer. Read and comment.

Waning Gibbous Moon

no amount of caffeine could stop the
somniferous muffin
from sending me to dreams
of convergent orgasms

dream segment...

i am at work, walking around the store straightening & collecting de-shops in a cart...there are a lot of hidden crannies and nooks in the store layout...at the magazine rack i find two empty 1 liter bottles of wine that someone has roughly opened and consumed, i am thinking how did we not catch them doing that? i put the bottles into the cart and continue...making my way around the store i encounter Mr. North working, and we exchange little jokes and encouragement to each other as we pass...i find a hidden corner which has a door that leads outside to a small courtyard, triangle-shaped with a fenced-in area...it is raining...i see a gray squirrel scampering about & when he/she sees me, he looks at me and moves a little closer...i must find some food for this little guy!, so i go back in the store and put together two peanut butter and bird seed globs for the squirrel, as i am doing this, Mr. North comes around through the area and we chat a wee bit about what i am doing...as i go back outside to put the cakes out for the squirrel, he comes right on over, albeit a bit cautiously, and sniffs at the cakes as i put them down, then begins to nibble...

what there is

At the (my) center there
is no spark - there is
A sorrow that is not
sweet melancholy -
that is
a vacant hollow, an oppressive
inertia

Hearth With Mirror

Firewood self-portrait. "The Kind Dyes" VW symbol t-shirt. December 2005.

Cookie Monster House

Here is a favorite place of mine. You know who you are. I love you.

A Book & Many Beers

When I finished reading 'Life and Fate' by Vasily Grossman, I was saddened beyond belief that it was over. I could have read about all those characters for at least another 880 pages. What a fabulous book. Since it was such a big read, a lot of new craft brews were consumed during the reading process. Among them: Chatoe Rogue's "Dirtoir Black Lager. Bell's "Hopslam Ale". Sierra Nevada's "Glissade".

Howard Zinn, Peoples's Historian

The amazing, much loved & respected historian and author Howard Zinn died of a heart attack yesterday. I will miss this speaker of truth. His 'A People's History of the United States' will always be a must-read.

Tornado dream...

i am at the home of a friend...a storm is on the way, we look out the window, i see five tornadoes coming our way...i call out to her about this, she and i run to the basement...i am looking for someplace for us to crouch down under for safety, but she sits on one of the two couches with a pillow, i sit on the other couch which faces her, i also have a pillow...we talk a little bit, but mostly we listen...after a while we no longer hear the loud rush of the storm, so i walk upstairs and notice sunlight peeking out from the clouds...there are other people in the upstairs rooms looking around also...i tell my friend that all is clear, the storm has passed us by...looking out, i can see where the tornadoes touched down around us...there is some debris scattered about...the sky has moving clouds of dark gray and white, patches of blue show through, the storm can be seen far in the distance, moving on...

Dream segment...

i am at a large gathering of people for a music event...each person performing is playing one song...i am going to play Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne" on guitar...i have not cleaned my guitar in a while, so i am looking for something to use for this purpose on the store shelves behind the seating area...i find some baby oil, and say "this will do"...there is a guy i know there who is being helpful...i am next to perform, i get my instrument and walk over to a folding chair, i say "hi!" as i look around the room at everyone...a man seated in front of me says, "just play the song"...there is silence in the room as i leaf through my music book for the song, i think about how i should have practiced so that i wouldn't need the music...i find the song and begin to play, soon i am lost and begin to just make it all up...i am singing with a lot of feeling, however, even if my strumming is a bit bland...somehow i bring it all to a close, one of the guitar strings has frayed, i laugh quietly to myself about this...in the underwhelming aftermath of my performance, i lean over to the person next to me and ask, "am i supposed to play another song?", she replies, "no, just one"...i am glad, as i did not know what i would have played...

Beer & a new cookbook...

RastafaRye from Blue Point Brewing Company in New York. A delicious copper ale made with rye malt and west coast hops. Blue Point donates portions of the sales of this ale to help needy Caribbean children through Tajandadowa.

"Clean Food" by Terry Walters. I like this format, the sections being divided by season. We are making "Bok Choy and Mung Bean Sprout Saute with Peanuts and Scallions" first. See some interesting recipes here.

Ninja Dream

i dream an action/adventure segment featuring Tomoe Gozen...



I am not sure if I was Gozen, or observing her. The dream was action-packed. When I awoke, I was amazed and thrilled that I had dreamed such a thing. I have not read the Tomoe Gozen books by Jessica Amanda Salmonson since the 1980's, when they were first published.

Films Viewed 2009

• King Corn (Aaron Wolf), 2007
• The Darjeeling Limited (Wes Anderson), 2007
• Be Kind Rewind (Michel Gondry), 2008
• Volver (Pedro Almodovar), 2007
• Run Fat Boy, Run (David Schwimmer), 2007
• Appaloosa (Ed Harris), 2008
  
• Gone Baby Gone (Ben Affleck), 2007
• Coraline (Henry Selick), 2009 **at the theatre**
• Brokeback Mountain (Ang Lee), 2005
• Troy (Wolfgang Petersen), 2004
• Shadow of A Doubt (Alfred Hitchcock), 1943
• Screamers (Carla Garapedian), 2006
• Milk (Gus Van Sant), 2008
• Body of Lies (Ridley Scott), 2008
• Into The Wild (Sean Penn), 2007
• Away From Her (Sarah Polley), 2006
• Humboldt County (Grodsky & Jacobs), 2008
• Slacker Uprising (Michael Moore), 2007
  
• Step Brothers (Adam McKay), 2008
  
• State of Play (Kevin MacDonald), 2009
• Pineapple Express (David Gordon Green), 2008
  
• Star Trek (J.J. Abrams), 2009
• A Good Year (Ridley Scott), 2005

Year of Virginia Wine 2009

• Barbera - 2006, Barboursville Vineyards, Barboursville
• Meritage - 2006, First Colony Winery, Charlottesville (52% Petit Verdot, 48% Cabernet Franc)
• DeChiel Reserve Cabernet Franc - 2005, Rockbridge Vineyard Inc., Raphine
• Cabernet Franc - 2006, Jefferson Vineyards, Charlottesville
• Toscanello - 2005, Villa Appalaccia Winery Inc., Floyd (65% Cabernet Franc, 25% Sangiovese, 10% Primitivo)
• Viognier - 2006, Michael Shaps, King Family Vineyards, Crozet
• Rosalie's Rose - 2006, Marterella - Prince Michel Vineyard & Winery, Leon
• Meritage - 2007, The Winery at La Grange, Haymarket
• Vidal Blanc - 2006, Marterella...
• Vignoles - 2006, Rockbridge Vineyard, Raphine
• Viognier - 2008, La Grange...
• "Simpatico" - Villa Appalacia Winery, Floyd
• Rose - 2008, Barrel Oak Winery, Delaplane
• Bowhaus White - 2008, Barrel Oak....
• Seyval Blanc - 2008, Barrel Oak...
• Blanc de Blanc - 2005, Kluge Estates, Charlottesville
• Albemarle Sauvingnon Blanc - 2008, Kluge Estates...
• Albemarle Simply Red - 2005, Kluge Estates...
• New World Red - 2005, Kluge Estates...
  

Year of Craft Beer 2009

• Dark Starr Stout - Starr Hill Brewery, Charlottesville VA
• Odd Notion - Spring '09 - Magic Hat Brewing Company, South Burlington VT
• HI.P.A. - Magic Hat...
• Legend Brown Ale - Legend Brewing company, Richmond VA
• Messiah Bold - He'Brew by The Shmaltz Brewing Company, Saratoga Springs NY
• Hop Devil India Pale Ale - Victory Brewing Company, Downingtown PA
• Storm King Imperial Stout - Victory...
• Brown Ale - The Brooklyn Brewery, Brooklyn NY
• Hop Wallop - Victory...
• Genesis Ale - He'Brew...
• Washington's Porter - Williamsburg AleWerks, Williamsburg VA
• Hazed & Infused - Boulder Beer Company, Boulder CO
• Sierra Nevada ESB: Early Spring Beer - Sierra Nevada Brewing Company, Chico CA
• Old Brown Dog Ale - Smuttynose Brewing Company, Portsmouth NH (label features Olive)
• Troegenator (Doublebock) - Troegs Brewing Company, Harrisburg PA
• Leinenkugel's Classic Amber - Jacob Leinenkugel Brewing Company, Chippewa Falls WI
• IPA - Lagunitas Brewing Company, Petaluma CA
• IPA - Smuttynose...
• Blackberry Witbier - Samuel Adams...
• Stone IPA - Stone Brewing Company, Escondido, San Diego County CA
• Double Bock - Imperial Series - Samuel Adams...
• Imperial White - Imperial Series - Sam Adams...
• Oatmeal Porter - Highland Brewing Company, Asheville NC
• Wacko - Summer Seasonal - Magic Hat...
• Odd Notion - Summer '09 - Magic Hat...
• Lucky Kat - Magic Hat...
• Witte - Brewery Ommehang, Cooperstown NY
• Torpedo Extra IPA - Sierra Nevada...
• Road Dog Porter - Flying Dog Brewery, Denver CO ("Good Beer. No Shit")
• 1888 Bock - Leinenkugel Brewing...
• Unearthly IPA - Southern Tier Brewing Company, Lakewood NY
• Scarlet Lady Ale - E.S.B. - Stoudts Brewery, Adamstown PA
• The Love - Starr Hill...
• Anniversary Ale - Sierra Nevada
• Golden Ale - Legend Brewing...
• Oberon Ale - Bell's Brewery, Comstock MI
• Organic UR Pils - Brauerei Pinkus Muller, Munster Germany
• Organic Hefeweizen - Pinkus...
• Sunrise Weissbier - Victory...
• Festbier - Victory...
• Double India Pale Ale - Stoudts...
• Harvest Fresh Hop Ale - Sierra Nevada...
• Rye Pale Ale - Terrapin Beer Company, Athens GA
• iniquity black ale - Southern Tier...
• mokah - Southern Tier...
• Depth Charge - Terrapin, with Left Hand Brewing & Jittery Joe's Coffee...
• India Style Brown Ale - Terrapin...
• Odd Notion - Fall 2009 - Magic Hat...
• Lager - Legend Brewing...
• Coney Island Freaktoberfest - Shmaltz...
• Moonglow - Victory...
• HOWL - Winter Seasonal - Magic Hat...
• Odd Notion - Winter 2009 - Magic Hat...
• Smoked Porter - Stone
• Tripel - Belgian Style Ale - Red Hook Ale Brewery...
• Organic Raspberry Ale - Samuel Smith @ Melbourn Brothers Brewery; Stamford, Lincolnshire
• The Gift - Starr Hill...
• Organic Cherry Ale - Samuel Smith...
• Jewbelation Bar Mitzvah - He'Brew...
• Hibernation Ale - Great Divide Brewing Company, Boulder CO
• Merry Christmas Happy New Year 2009 - Anchor Brewing Company, San Francisco CA
• Merry Monks' Belgian Style Golden Ale - Weyerbacher, Easton PA
• Cabin Fever - New Holland Brewing Company, New Holland MI
• Alta Gracia Coffee Porter - Wolaver's @ Otter Creek Brewing, Middlebury VT

Books Read 2009

Angler by Barton Gellman, 2008
Bad Money by Kevin Phillips, 2008
Post Office by Charles Bukowski, 1971
The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins, 1986 (1996 edition)
Fermenting Revolution by Christopher Mark O'Brien, 2006
Family of Secrets by Russ Baker, 2009
Secrets: A Memoir of Vietnam and the Pentagon Papers by Daniel Ellsberg, 2002
Fire In The Lake by Frances FitzGerald, 1972
Back When We Were Grownups by Anne Tyler, 2001
Vietnam by Stanley Karnow, 1983
A Mercy by Toni Morrison, 2008
Bearing The Cross by David J. Garrow, 1986
Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs, 2002
Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell, 2004
A Wolf At The Table by Augusten Burroughs, 2008
Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs, 2004
The City & The City by China Mieville, 2009
Dry. by Augusten Burroughs, 2003
Possible Side Effects by Augusten Burroughs, 2006
Drop City by T.C. Boyle, 2003
The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski, 2008
Against The Day by Thomas Pynchon, 2006
Blaze by Richard Bachman, 1973/2007
Promises To Keep by Charles de Lint, 2007
The Mystery of Grace by Charles de Lint, 2009
Endless Things by John Crowley, 2007
A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon, 2006
Bodily Harm by Margaret Atwood, 1982
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, 1997
Tourist Season by Carl Hiaasen, 1986
Stormy Weather by Carl Hiaasen, 1995
'C' Is For Corpse by Sue Grafton, 1986
Girl With a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier, 1999
Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen, 2006
Digging To America by Anne Tyler, 2006
The Theory of Everything by Lisa Grunwald, 1991
Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco, 1988
Diary by Chuck Palahniuk, 2003
Wicked by Gregory Maguire, 1995
The Absence by Bill Hussey, 2009
The Cobra Event by Richard Preston, 1997
Just Above My Head by James Baldwin, 1978
Under The Dome by Stephen King, 2009
Angel Time by Anne Rice, 2009
Last Night In Twisted River by John Irving, 2009
The Sioux by Irene Handl, 1965
Loving Miranda by Aaron Ankers (unpublished)
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde,1890